Progress

I'm making some progress people. I made it a whole week without texting, calling, or emailing the ex. That's really good for me. His friend is going to take care of getting my stuff back to me, so I won't have to deal with him at all for that. And I'm trying to keep the cyberstalking of his new girl down to a minimun... I know, that sounds horrible, but its an addiction to just check and see what new pictures she posts of them and on and on. I need to stop and just let it go. But, I'm taking baby steps here, and like I said, I'm making progress! The rest will come in time!

How Could He???

I'm on the warpath today people!! My ex has totally pissed me off now! He took his new girlfriend to the same beach he took me just weeks ago! AND, he still owes me some money and has been telling me he doesn't have it yet---- YEAH, RIGHT!! He's just been spending it on HER!! I need to let it go, but I don't want to because then that means he wins. I want my stuff and my money back!

Anyways, I'm getting sidetracked.... The point is, how does someone actually become so heartless? I wouldn't intentionally hurt anyone at all like that, much less someone that I care about and had a relationship with. I keep telling myself that it's his loss and he pushed the best thing ever out of his life. But then when I see him having just as much fun with another girl, I doubt myself. Maybe he doesn't even feel like he lost anything at all. So, yeah, bottom line is, I guess my sister had it right: All men are liars, cheaters, and good for nothing.

Ok, as much as I want to believe that last statement, even in the midst of all this, I still don't believe it. Just call me a hopeless romantic. But I believe there are good men out there. I just haven't met them yet. And when I think I have, I get fooled every time. It's just so darn hard being a woman!

A Touching Moment

Okay, so I'm already really sensitive towards Daddy-little girl relationships for my own personal reasons. Today, I went to visit Sophia in the hospital just before she was released. She was sitting in the chair with her Dad, (who, by the way, is the one who jumped into the pool, pulled her out, and did the CPR--he saved her life)--anyways, Sophi looks up at him and in her 2-year-old-voice says, "Daddy? You know what? You're my best friend." I thought I was gonna lose it, seriously! That touched me so deeply; I just can't explain it. Moments like that are just so precious.

Crazy week so far!

Well, I've got good news on Sophia... She's back to 100% already and will be released tomorrow. What an answer to prayer! The hospital staff was so amazed by her quick recovery, that the had the local news do a story on her.

I got my A/C fixed in my Jeep, and only for $19 after riding around for 3 months sweating like crazy! Those of you not from down south don't understand--A/C is as much a necessity down here as food and clothing! Thank God it wasn't expensive. Now I just have to fix my window that keeps falling down!

Work is absolutely nuts right now. I have to scrub in early, assist in surgery on a 4 month old baby, and then go to the office for a full day of pre-ops.

The ex-boyfriend still won't respond to my demands to return the rest of my stuff... Don't know what I should do next about that. Oh, and I did cut my hair short like I was thinking about. It's nice and summer-ish looking!

My brother is having a really hard time. I can't go into details, but if you think about it, pray for God's grace in his life.

That's all for now.

Please pray...

My friend's two-year old daughter, Sophia, almost drowned today. She is still in very critical condition. If she does live, she will have severe brain damage. So sad... I have babysat her ever since she was born. She has 2 brothers. Please keep the family in prayer. Here she is with my dog Cinnamon last week:

It's cliche, but still...

Okay, so I know it's totally cliche for a girl to drastically change her hair along with a change in relationships, but I really want to go short. Think I just might....

Epiphony

Today, I convinced myself that my ex is gay. That would explain everything!

A Year in Review

So, let's start with the Now and go back to the Then.

Now, I'm dealing with the roller-coaster of emotions that is typical of post-relationship break-ups. Now, I'm getting back into church and actually enjoying it. Now I'm learning what it's like to have a broken family and sorting through confused emotions about that. Now I realize how easily deceived and vulnerable I can be. Now I have come face to face with my hypocrisy and been forced to deal with it. Now sometimes I wonder if there is any part of this world that is truly good, or if everything is covered with a secret "ugly" lining beneath the "look good" surface.

Then, I thought I had everyone fooled. Then, my heart did not yet know true bitterness. Then I thought all I needed was a good man to love me. Then I didn't realize that children of God are guilty of the same, if not worse, sins as children of the devil. Then I never knew how confused, broken, hurt, angry a human heart could be.

This year has most definitely had its ups and downs. More downs than ups, I regret to say, mostly by my own poor choices. But, it looks like we have the possibility of a few ups ahead, if we can stay focused. Many frivolous relationships gave way to one serious one, seemingly perfect, which recently ended in heartbreak. Guess nothing ever is what it seems, huh? I'm glad I still have some family and friends standing beside me, and most of all, my God. I have a lot in my heart I would like to say about Him, but I choose to keep it inside for now for fear of becoming a hypocrite again before my heart is completely cleansed of all my wrong attitudes.

Bottom line: I'm a work in progress. But then, aren't we all?

Feelings

Somedays I hate him. Somedays I hate myself. Today I miss us.

Hi!

Hello. I just wanted to mention that my family has been going through a very dark, horrible time as of late. I know we would all appreciate your prayers as what is left of us tries to heal, support, understand, and forgive one another. Thanks!

Other than that, life is racing along. I'm staying busy here in San Antonio with my job, church, and friends. I hope things will slow down soon, so that all that's been on my mind lately, I'll be able to write about and receive some invaluable insight from you all.

Well, happy 26th birthday to me coming up, and happy 4th of July to all of you. (I probably should wish everyone happy Thanksgiving and Christmas while I'm at it--judging by how infrequently I have been blogging!! ha ha)

Hunting!

Axis buck in velvet! (I shot him from the back of a pick-up truck, going down the road!)

8-point whitetail (I shot this one while doing the belly crawl on the ground, b/c I was scared of the mouse that was in the blind!)

My au-dad.

And yes, I field-dressed every one of my kills myself!! Blood up to the elbows. You guys would've been proud of me!

Rest in Peace

Well, Heaven sure is a much brighter place as of this morning. I'm glad my aunt is there in her new body with no more cancer or suffering! I'm sure God is happy to have her home.

At least one thing hasn't changed...

Yep, I still love Starbucks. Made myself double-check this weekend, just to be sure. The peppermint mocha they have around the holidays is SSOOOOO good. That's all.

Been Missin' It

Yeah, it just hit me the other day like a ton of bricks that I miss blogging! Just being able to sit down and express whatever I'm feeling and put it out there to get it off of my chest. It's really an amazing thing. If I just want to be stupid, silly, philosophical, or whatever, I can be--an people actually read it--that's the most amazing part! Yep, I truly miss this blogger world. I think I need it right now. Lot of feelings going on inside of this head of mine! You'll be hearing from me more regularly, I have a feeling....

Pics!

Before You Say Goodbye

Dedicated to my Great-Aunt, Barbara Wilcox, who today was given 10 days left of life here on this earth.

One more game of skip-bo,
Just one more chocolate pie;
One more loving lecture
Before you say goodbye.

A walk to the springs,
An morning on the porch,
Hot soup in on the stove--
These mem'ries will be my torch.

You've touched so many lives;
Taught so much by your smile.
It's time for you to rest
As you cross that final mile.

Taking pictures on the steps,
Sending cards in the mail--
I don't know how you did it,
Staying strong, while so frail.

You did so much for others,
Saw the good through all the bad.
You're truly my life's hero,
So just let my heart be sad.

I'll see you soon over there.
We'll walk and talk and laugh.
You're in a better place now,
So don't blame me if I ask--

One more hug and cheery smile,
Just one more twinkle in your eye;
One more reassuring touch
Before you say goodbye.

Happy 4th!

Hey... hope everyone enjoys their 4th of July. I miss my family!!! Well, eat some extra BBQ, fried chicken, apple pie, whatever you have for me! And I hope everyone gets to go see some fireworks. I might try to go out to the air force base to watch them if I can find someone to drag along w/ me!

Enjoy your celebrations, and HAPPY BIRTHDAY, AMERICA!

The Higher Plane of Life

What is this I'm feeling?

Why are you dealing

Losing hands and stealing

My stability? I'm kneeling

With the acknowledgement

That the procurement

Of rest is now obscurement.

No lasting establishment

Of peace leaves me lacking

Words to end my slacking

And silence. I've been packing

Down all emotions and stacking

Daily duties of life on top.

But it's time all that stopped;

Time to harvest the crop

That's ready to drop

From exhaustion

And too much caution.

My only option

Will soon be crossing

To a place of no return--

Where it's crash and burn.

Will I ever learn

That while I may yearn

For certain situations,

Life's not on vacation?

And unrealistic infatuations

Only steal my dedication

From the truly valuable,

Seemingly unattainable,

But always rewardable

Higher plane of life.

How do I do this again??

Wow... I forgot how to even sign in to Blogger... Yeah, it's been a while. I thought that just not posting at all would be better than just posting randomly once a month or so, but one of my wonderful readers does not seem to agree.

Okay, so.... I have moved. I LOVE my new apartment--lots more space, a big, nice kitchen, a lovely 3rd floor patio/balcony (that I utilize very often!), and a much newer, prettier and safer place is now my home. Cinnamon has given me her approval as well--She loves to hang out on the balcony and sun bathe.

Life is good. I've been getting more involved in my church--with the music and the children ministries. It's a lot of fun; I really love it. Also babysitting for the doctors I work for has practicaly become a full-time second job. I'm not complaining though-the extra income is extremely helpful. I've also been traveling over to the ranch a lot any Saturday mornings that I have free to help my great uncle and aunt out. I've been building deer blinds, painting, hunting fishing, cleaning, cooking, riding horses, four-wheeling--it's a lot of hard work, but it's fun and it's great to be able to help them out. My great aunt just underwent her 61st chemo treatment and is in her 6th year of fighting cancer. The downhill stage is really starting to escalade, so keep her in your prayers.

The only negative part of my life right now is my job. I'm just not happy with what's going on. I'm debating right now over switching positions into a new department w/ a new boss, or looking for a completely new job. So, until then, hopefully I don't go postal on anyone! ha ha.

Happy Mother's Day to all you wonderful moms out there!

I think maybe I'll do a little poetry soon. It's been quite a long time since I wrote anything. We'll see if I get inspired.

I know, I know

I really need to quit promising I'm going to be more regular at this, because obviously it still isn't happening. It's just hard to find the time now that I'm not allowed to play at work! Imagine that!

Anyways, things have been crazy. I got "KILL" threats spraypainted all over my Jeep a week ago, so that was not fun. Now, I'm in the process of looking for a nicer, safer place to live. I found some apartments I LOVE, but it may require a little part-time job or something. The babysitting has slowed down a lot, so that extra money's not so steady anymore.

More that likely I'm going to switch positions from medical billing to surgical coordinator in the summer. I'm excited--I think I will love that a lot more.

Also been toying with the idea of getting into medical school--really big committment though, so not so sure.

I've gotten more involved in my church here. They have me playing the keyboard now and helping in the nursery. It's fun.

What's with the guys in Texas? Everyone single one that has asked me out so far, I found out later they had a girlfriend. Whassup w/ that?

Anyways, I still love it here. It's getting really beautiful and warm. I'll be taking lots of trips up to the ranch to hunt and work on my tan!

I miss football.

Sorry this is so boring, just wanted to throw a quick update out there!

Sensitivity... good or bad?

I've been thinking about sensitivity as a trait in your "significant other", if I may use that term without sounding too liberal. Desirable or non-desirable?

This is what I've come down to. I think if he is more sensitive to the needs, wants, feelings of others (including mine) than he is to his own needs/wants/feelings--that would create a good balance. On the same note, I would not want him SO unsensitive to his own feelings that he didn't even know what they were, or how to express and communicate them . And, I would not want him SO sensitive to the needs of others that he can't say no or discern when it is no longer helpful to help (a big problem of my own, actually).

Anyways, enough of that.

I shot my first deer last weekend. It was a lot of fun. Perfect heart shot! And we won't talk about the gutting and stringing up... cool? cool!

I also had a very rude awakening to the art of horseback riding--bareback. I'm not so sure if I am "de-sensitized enough to my own feelings" to share that story just yet. =)

Wow... time flies

I signed on to blogger and noticed I completely missed the whole month of December! Wow... well, a lot has been going on. I trust everyone had wonderful holidays with their family and friends. My Christmas was definitely very different this year. I stayed here in Texas, so wasn't around any immediate family, but did have a couple relatives to hang out with for a little while.

Well, this guy Jason who was supposedly madly in love with me and wanted to get married when I moved down here is completely out of the picture now. Good thing he was only a little part of the reason for my move! But I've been making lots of new friends and having a good time. Yeah, it was a little disappointing, but God gives grace, ya' deal with it, and move on, right?

Anyhow, a week before Christmas (without going into much detail), I had a little incident that set me back pretty good. But I managed to pull some overtime (3 fourteen hour days in a row was not fun--don't do it unless you have to!!) and got plenty of babysitting jobs from the doctors I work for, along with the help of some generous people, managed to keep on track.

So I rang in the new year...... babysitting. Yeah, I know---no fun, but that's alright. I guess everyone's already made (and possibly broken!) their new years' resolutions. I kept it simple this year--cutting out soda/coke/pop/whatever you call it, and cutting down on sweets. Yeah, little miss dedicated gym girl that I was hasn't been to the gym since I moved, and my bad eating habits are catching up with me. gotta get that under control!

I haven't had time to do any writing lately, but I kinda miss it, and might try to take a stab at it again soon.

Okay, for all the sports losses and victories and stupid mistakes I have missed talking about, here's my conclusion: Congratulations to South Carolina for finally winning a bowl game! you guys rock! Texas Longhorns get a thumbs up for barely winning a bowl game. Hope your season is a little better next year though guys. Colt McCoy--you're a pretty cool dude. And the Cowboys, my sad, sad Cowboys..... WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU, ROMO? Ever since you starting dating Miss American Idol Carrie Underwood, you completely lost your game!! Get your head right, dude! okay, too late now--you already dashed any chances of a championship. All I know is, for next year, you need to learn to put your game face on and focus and forget about your pretty little country blonde for a few hours, okay? And T.O.--it ain't all about you, and that's all I have to say about that.

I feel better now. The rodeo's coming to town in a few weeks. I think I'll go experience a good ole Texas-style rodeo. Should be fun, right? Do I have to get me some tight Wranglers, a bit ole hat, a flashy belt-buckle, and some cowboy boots to go to this? Some of my fellow Texans help me out here? If I don't have all that git-up on, will everyone be snubbing there noses and making mean "foreigner" jokes? Just wondering.

Well, my internet is officially fixed, so hopefully I'll be more regular on here. Happy New Year everyone!

Old grumpy man teaches a lesson...

Hello, blog world! Hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving and are getting ready for a wonderful Christmas. I love this time of year!

I put up a small tree Friday night, and scattered the few Christmas decorations I have around my small apartment. Put Christmas music on loud and repeating in my 5-CD changer and got into the spirit of things.

Next, I'm going to bake a butt-load of cookies and take them around to friends and family.

Today, one of my 88 year old patients that I've been going back and forth with about his bill for about 3 weeks came into the office. After he saw the doctor, I had to sit him down in my office to go over his bill step by step, very slowly and clearly for the 5th time. After he seemed to finally understand, he started talking about his life and different things he had gone through, and how now all he does is go to bed every night and pray that he will not wake up the next morning. His wife is dead; his dog is dead; he can't work or use his hands anymore. It was sad. I think I'll take him some cookies and share the hope of Christmas with him. It kind of helped to adjust my perspective a bit.

Anyways, don't get so lost in all the fast-paced shopping and social events that you lose your perspective of Christmas.

Don't save all the love for Christmas day.... show someone today how good God is to you!

Football blues!

Pretty depressing South Carolina and Texas games this weekend, huh? I sure hope Colt McCoy is back in shape for next week's game. And what was up with all of SC's kicks being batted down? uhh.. Well, next week's Ohio vs. Michigan should be really interesting!

My Ingredients

I am a vast field of disappointments;
a single bud of hopes.
I am a handful of accomplishments;
a bucket full of failures.
I am a river made from tears;
a puddle made from laughs.
I am a page written with quirks;
a sentence written with grace.
I am a heart bursting with dreams;
a head of stifling excuses.
I am a line of a happy melody;
a story of a melancholy ballad.

Dahlia's wedding

Well, I flew back to South Carolina real quick for my friends Dahlia and Jorge's wedding. It was beautiful.

Sad News

Please pray for the family and friends of Rick Daniel, a former coworker and friend of mine who passed away suddenly yesterday from a heart attack. I'm completely shocked by this news and feel so far away and unable to help. I know his wife and two daughters would appreciate the prayers.

Thanks

Finally!

Well, a cold front is coming through, and it's starting to feel a little like fall around here.

I learned something tonight... no matter how dedicated a person used to be to exercising, when they quit, it's really tough to start again. yes, yes... I'm talking about myself--miss 24/7 dedicated gym girl who loved to work out and exercise. Well, since my gym membership expired back in March, I haven't really done much in the line of exercise other than playing a few sports here and there. Well, tonight it was really nice out so I decided to go running. Yeah, right... totally out of shape. I'm going to have to get it back in gear, because exersing and staying fit is not something I want to lose. I'll let ya' know how it goes.

In other news, I have my official Texas drivers license now, and I finally found an insurance company who would cover me in spite of all my wrecks (even though it's gonna break the bank to pay them!), so I believe all the issues of moving are officially completed, and I'm good to go for a while. I've also found a great church with some great people that I've really been enjoying.

Talk to ya soon!

Peek-a-Boo!

I see you! I have come out of hiding for a second! Ha ha

The seasons are trying to change, and of course along come all the nasty allergies. Sneezing, coughing, watering eyes, etc have pretty much been what my weekend consisted of. I can't wait for the cooler temperatures though!

I'm sorry I don't keep this blog up like I used to. It's just that I am not allowed to be online at my job, and then there's just so much to get done in the evenings, and I don't feel like getting on the computer after being on it all day. I do check my email, and I'm sorry that I don't respond all the time. But I am alive and well; things are going well. I just need to figure out when and how I'm going to fit blogging back into my life.

I really do appreciate all my blogging buddies... you guys have been more encouraging than you know.

So, who wants to set up a budget for my time and fit blogging in there for me??

Hunkee-Doree

Everything's just rolling right along. One of our doctors died mysteriously in his car on the way to work Friday. Then, this morning I received a couple death threats from patients. Just a normal morning right?

This job is getting really interesting.

Overheard

"So, I switched my alarm clock to come on to a different radio station. This morning, to wake me up, comes blaring across my radio, 'I pledge allegiance... blah blah blah'. I mean, how annoying can you get? A bunch a kids rambling off that old-fashioned stuff. Do kids even say that garbage any more? How annoying! You can bet I'll be switching the station again tonight!"

Excuse Me???? It took everything in me not to blow my top right there and then. I simply said, "I like hearing the pledge of allegiance, and I don't think it's old fashioned, and if kids are not saying it anymore, than it's a real shame."

Tomorrow, I'm taking a big American flag poster to put up at my desk. Who knows? Maybe I'll stand and salute and say the pledge every hour just to drive home my point. Well, okay.... maybe that wouldn't be the best way to handle it!!!

And to think.... the day after Sept. 11 even! Shameful!

umm... yeah

What a bad football weekend we just had!!! Longhorns, S.C. Gamecocks, the Cowboys..... I mean, even the Houston Texans, all lost!! Oh well, it's early in the season and they still have time to come back and have a good season.

On another note, I'm officially Tex-i-fied now. Got my "Lone Star State" tags! =)

That's all. It's early.... can't believe I'm actually doing this first thing in the morning... What is my problem?

Figuring it all out

Broken promises; empty words
Fell on my ears and
Crushed my heart.

Flicker of truth; glimmer of hope
Cast a light on my soul but
Replaced soon by shadows.

Unfounded faith; misplaced trust
Broke apart my securities and
Tossed them to the waves.

Disillusioned; questioning each decision
Brought complete confusion
To mind, heart, and soul.

Disappointment; people fail
Both a part of life--
Accept, and move on.

*******************************************************

Someone once said "It's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all." My question is this, How many times can one accept and move on, love and lose, before they become completely untrusting, cynical, failure-fearful individuals? Is there ever an end? Is there a time when you should stop, stand, and fight to make a relationship work? Or should you just always accept and move on? Is it worth a fight? Is it worth all the effort? Does the fear of failing ever go away? Does the perfect relationship ever come where both individuals are completely sure that the other will be there until the very end, no matter what? How can anyone be that trusting after going through several break-ups? Do you think that if your security is based upon the other person needing you, that once you don't feel needed, your security will be gone, and then the decay of the relationship begins? I think so. So how do we learn not to place our security in a relationship in the other person? I believe the answer would lie in the concept of knowing the relationship was God's will, and therefore, basing your security in God working everything out. Right? But then, if it doesn't work out, how do you keep yourself from blaming God, and becoming disillusioned with His promises and care over our lives as our Heavenly Father?

Okay, enough questions. I really don't expect anyone to answer them. And please don't read into this.... I'm not breaking up with anyone or blaming God for anything. I'm trying to put myself in someone else's shoes and understand a little of their thought patterns. It's kind of a little hobby of mine--figuring out how other people think. It helps when I try to communicate with them, if I can start where they are. Sometimes I'm way off-base, but hey, it's better to try and lose than never to have...... Just kidding!

It's True!

Yeah, okay. So, everything IS bigger in Texas...





Even the waterbugs/cockroaches/whatever you want to call those nasty brown bugs.




'Nuff said.


If I tell the story I will embarrass myself too much to ever be able to show my face here again!! Use your imagination. Me in the bathroom getting ready for work and a HUGE unexpected visitor.


Anyway, if anyone wants to volunteer to come be my full-time bug patrol, I'm accepting applications!

Who knew?

Why didn't anyone warn me that moving to a new place was so much work?? Shwoooo! Well, I guess it's not so much the moving, but setting up your own place for the first time. I thought that being on my own would give me so much free time to catch up on so much--but it's been quite the opposite so far! But it's been enjoyable. Hopefully things will slow down eventually and I'll be able to catch up with you all. Sorry if I've been neglecting you--nothing personal, I promise! Have a great week. I'll talk to ya soon!

Trip to Texas

I'm sooo ready to be a diehard Longhorns fan!

Here's my lovely Uhaul trailor and Jeep. I had one tire blow out, and was on the side of the road for a couple hours, but it was all good. Just part of the experience!

Yee-haww... they let me in!! I had to stop at the welcome center and get my free "Don't mess with Texas" sticker!

Anyone still out there????

Hello people! I'm back and finally have internet. I'm alive, doing well, and lovin' life in Texas!

Anyhow, I'm gonna post some pictures on here later on, and give some more details of what's going on. Right now, I have to clean this apartment from head to toe and finish unpacking all my junk.

Hope you all are doing well. I'll be checking your blogs soon!

It's time...

Please pray for safety as I travel Thursday and Friday.

Lord willing, my next post will be from Texas!

Thanks! Y'all are the best! =)

Middle of the Night Hysteria

I was awakened from a sound sleep Saturday night by a loud "THUD!" and then silence. The clock read 3:09. What in the world was that?

I reached down for my dog who is usually curled up down at the foot of the bed. Not there. I reached down on the floor, and felt her furry body. That's when I started to panic. "Oh no, Cinnamon! No. Please wake up. Move. Do something!" But her body remained limp. I picked her up and started shaking her. (Okay, remember I was half-asleep... so I wasn't fully aware of what was going on, and I probably shook her way too hard and just made it worse, but we don't need to mention that.)

By this time, I was pretty hysterical. "Cinnamon, no, you can't die like this. Everyone's gonna think I kicked you off the bed or something!"

Anyway, I calmed down finally and checked if she was breathing. Yep. Actually, she was even still SNORING. That's right. She fell out of bed, hit the floor, and kept right on snoring. And to think she had me all worried.

I'm just glad no one saw me crying and shaking my poor dog senseless in the middle of the night.

Tagged.

Those of you who know me, know that I'm not much of a "book person." So, this tag may be a little difficult!! I have a very limited number of books to choose from here, so bear with me...

1. One book that changed your life: "Cinderella"... I finally realized the true princess that I really am.
2. One book that you’ve read more than once: "Apartment Guide" So many pictures and choices!
3. One book you’d want on a desert island: "Robinson Crusoe"... Yeah, that one tells me everything I need to know about living on an island.
4. One book that made you laugh: "1001 Greatest 'Yo' mom' jokes"
5. One book that made you cry [or feel really sad]: "The Three Little Pigs"... Makes me feel so guilty for killing those three little pigs! *sniff, sniff*
6. One book that you wish had been written: "Kristi and Will Smith live happily ever after" ha ha.
7. One book that you wish had never been written: "Amelia Bedilia"...If you're gonna write a book about me, at least use my real name!
8. One book you’re currently reading: "Rand McNally Road Atlas"
9. One book you’ve been meaning to read: "Complete Idiot's guide to Living in Texas." (Do they even have one of those?)
10. Now tag five people: yeah, yeah... do it if you want. (That's how tags work anyways, right?)

Email Evangelism

I wanted to share a series of emails from a student over in the UK who came across my blog and had questions about my faith. At first, my replies were just direct answers to exactly what she had asked, because I was trying to feel if she was wanting to find fault with my faith or if she truly was interested and seeking. Well, I definitely found she was not trying to find fault. She seems to be interested in "religion" in general, but has her mind already closed to ever personally believing in a god. This is the second time this week I've had people emailing me, asking about my faith through my blog. I think it's awesome. Now this girl is on my heart, and I pray that God will take the blinders off of her eyes, and show her that He is real and she can know Him. Please pray with me.
*****************************************

Original comment:

a very interesting and enlightening poem, i wasnt so aware that people who were religious questioned themselves and their faith so often, not being religious myself, but fascinated by it as well as poetry I enjoyed reading your work. would be good to talk. {email address}

Hi, thanks for the read and the comment. I wanted to explain that, yes I am a Christian and yes, I do question myself a lot. But not questioning in the sense of, "I hope I'm good enough to get to heaven." NO! Being good will never get anyone to heaven. Jesus Christ paid my way there, and I have no doubts in my mind about that. I question myself in the sense of "Wow, look at all the Lord has gone through for me. He suffered and died so that I could live. Am I really doing my best for Him? Am I living in such a way that shows I'm appreciative for His free gift of eternal life in heaven?" That's the questioning we do.

I'm glad you enjoyed the poem though.

So tell me about yourself. your profile doesn't say much of anything.

Kristi

hi,

thanks for responding (and so quickly!)

im a student beginning university in the uk studying direction and
production in media. ive always been very interested in different
religions, without being religious myself as i mentioned previously. i love going to the theatre and any live events (sports to music) and also heavily in to photography especially black and whites - i take a lot of pictures in and around churches...and when i lived in the middle east some of mosques. I also love taking pictures of people, again this was particularly fascinating in oman (middle east country in which I lived) because of the difference in culture and dress.

if you dont mind me asking, in what way do you think you could be more appreciative of him?

cheers,

{name}

Hello. thanks for sharing all that about yourself... very interesting.

I think I could be more appreciate just by remembering Him more in my everyday life. Taking time to read what He wrote to us in the Bible, stopping to talk to Him in prayer, thanking Him for little blessings that come my way, and just living my life in a way that would please Him--again... all because I WANT to, not because I HAVE to. The right perspective is key.

Kristi

hello,

let me start by saying how much i appreciate you responding, without hesitation, to my questions. its such a shame more people cant be like this, well in my experience anyway.

i think its fantastic that you have a faith like you do. at first i wished I had something similar, such a devotion, then i realised, like you that it is the perspective which is important, i believe in many moral principles which correspond with christianity, without believing in 'a god', so to speak. I was brought up with an understanding of, but never with an inclusion of god, or jesus, i am therefore very aware but also very (i want to say cynical but that seems to harsh) of the notion.

i would be very interested to hear how you discovered your faith, of coarse only if you feel comfortable discussing this.

anything you have to say is much appreciated,

thanks again,
{name}

{name},
I do appreciate your questions. Don't feel bad to ask anything!

I was raised in a Christian home and in a church that taught the Bible very clearly. So, I've heard these things all my life. I personally came to understand that Christ had died in my place and paid my way to heaven when I was 7 years old. I've never doubted since that time that I was on my way to heaven.

However, I have been far from perfect. I had my time of wandering away, and questioning my faith. Did I REALLY believe all this stuff? Is this just something my parents taught me so that I would turn out to be a decent person? Is God really
real and do I really know Him? The more I questioned and doubted (and honestly, I can say now I only wanted to try to get rid of God so I could feel better about living a sinful life), the more God showed me definitely that He is real, and I am His child, and He wants a personal relationship with me.

See, Jesus died on the cross to provide our way to heaven, but that's only the beginning of the story. When we accept His sacrifice as payment for our sins and our way to heaven, the Bible teaches that we become a child of God. God comes to live inside us (in the form of the Holy Spirit) and we begin to get to know God in a personal way. We talk to Him in prayer, and He talks to us through the Bible. It's a
friendship.

Of course we will still mess up and sin until we get our perfect bodies in heaven, but God gives us forgiveness, grace, and mercy every day to keep living in a way that is pleasing to Him. He really is a good and wonderful God. I wish everyone would be seeking to get to know Him.

It's really hard sometimes to believe in something or Someone that we cannot see.... or at least we tell ourselves it is. But take for example your brain. Have you ever seen it? No. Yet, you believe it is inside your head. Why? Because you see evidence of it. You can hear, see, smell, function, move.... you're alive! That's how it is with God. We cannot see Him, but we see evidence of Him every day. Look at all the design, purpose, order, and planning in the universe, in the plants and animals, in our human bodies--that's evidence of a Designer, a Creator. One who knows all and can do all--none other than God himself.

I hope you will consider this further and keep asking questions. Sometimes going through hurts and things we don't understand can push us away from believing in God. But we have to understand that God doesn't cause the hurts. God's ways are much higher than our ways, and He has a bigger plan that we cannot see in allowing some of the atrocities of the world to go on.

prayers,
Kristi

Kristi,

ok i wont feel bad any more! its just i understand how personal this sort of thing can be for some people and just wanted you to know your honesty was appreciated.

what you said was very interesting. it's great that you strayed away from your faith and then came back to it, was there any deciding factor which made you do this or was it a feeling?

I know now that i will never believe in a god, as you do. when i was about 14 or 15 i had a very good friend who was very religious and went to lots of christian youth groups, she took me along a few times, as i was as interested then as i am now. i found it very difficult to be a part of something that i didnt personally believe in, even when i was surrounded by so many people of a similar age, i realised then that i would never believe in a god, as you do. however the experience was invaluable because it taught me about the many different kinds of belief and ways of looking at the bible. it could be fun! haha, but i didn't think it was right for me to be there participating if i was doubtful...it felt deceitful...but anyway, ive been meaning to ask if god, as you see Him takes on any sort of form, physical or otherwise. this is something of particular interest to me, i want to know how people view god. do you have an image in your mind?

i won't be able to write for a couple of weeks as i am away, but i look
forward to your reply when i come back!

cheers again,

Quote of the Day

"I am learning that being right with the wrong attitude is about as bad as being wrong."--Gordon Cloud

Post #200!!

I'm so thankful that God's ways are not our ways, neither are His thoughts our thoughts.

That is all. Feel free to expand on this concept or share what it means to you personally.

Communication quiz

You Communicate With Your Ears

You love conversations, both as a listener and a talker.What people say is important to you, and you're often most affected by words, not actions.You love to hear complements from others. And when you're upset, you often talk to yourself.Music is very important to you. It's difficult to find you without your iPod.

How Do You Communicate?

Let me hear you.

I've got some things rolling around in my head, and I want to hear your opinions.

First of all, in the Bible, everyone is commanded to honor their parents. Their is no age cut-off, or any stipulation on what kind of parent it is.

We've all heard that honoring your parents includes respecting and obeying.

Here's the question: If one does not "respect" his parent, but still treats him with respect, is he obeying the command?

Now, think about that, and then let's take it further. What about the child who is molested by a parent? Do you really think that child will ever respect their parent? Is it commanded? Or is it enough to just obey and treat with respect?

Friday Fifteen

Here's my Friday Fifteen Fun Facts!

FIFTEEN GREAT THINGS I WILL MISS ABOUT SOUTH CAROLINA:

1. Maurice's yellow (mustard-based) barbeque--on chicken, pork, beef, or ribs--it really doesn't matter!

2. The Palmetto Tree and Crescent Moon (state flag symbol) being appropriate decoration for EVERYTHING--office, bathroom, vehicle, jewelry, tatoos, clothing, shower curtains... you get my point!

3. Mass pandemonium (sp??) breaking out anytime there is the slightest chance of flurries or ice in the forecast. Grocery stores are emptied out within minutes, everyone calls in to work, school gets cancelled for days, and everyone drives like idiots--thinking everyone else is the idiot! (I think this one might actually follow me to Texas)

4. Everyone always thanking God for Mississippi for making us state #49 instead of #50 on all the "rate-your-states-stupidity" tests.

5. Seeing the rebel flag flying just about as often as you see the American flag.

6. All the good-ole-boys driving around in their big trucks with fresh mud all over the tires, a fishin' pole in the back, shot-gun rack inside, their dog hangin out the window, with the "I love Jesus" stickers next to their "I'd rather be hunting or fishing" stickers.

7. Being able to jump in the car and drive an hour or two to the mountains, beach, lake, woods, or big city... whatever your desire is for the day.

8. The Irmo Okra Strut. (No explanation will be given for this point. I'm just gonna let the curiosity kill you on that!)

9. Being able to buy as many fireworks as we want and set them off wherever and whenever we want without all these crazy restrictions and all that other states have. (If you're dumb enough to blow your hand off or catch a house on fire, then you shouldn't be messin with them in the first place, right?)

10. "Great" politicians such as John Graham Altman, who are famous for things such as calling the news reporter a dumb blonde. Also University administrators who referred to New Orleans victims as "yard apes." (okay, so I won't really miss this!)

11. SOUTH CAROLINA GAMECOCK FOOTBALL!!!! (At least I'm going to a state with a great college football team--Hook 'em horns!)

12. The most important piece of legislation being debated is whether cockfighting should be a federal offense or not.

13. Being part of the "Bible Belt."

14. Victory Bible Baptist Church, and the wonderful people there. (Finding a new church will be weird--I've been at this one for all my 24 years!)

15. Last, but not least, mom's home cookin!

See y'all! Have a great weekend.

Break for a Little Promo for a Home-Dawg!

My friend Steve Sporre, of Following God's Will has just released his new CD. "I'm Ready" is available for purchase online HERE. It is an 11 track CD, all of which I believe that he personally wrote the words and music.





He is a man on fire for God, and who willingly allows God to use his talents for God's glory. If you haven't read his story of how God got ahold of his broken, empty life, and gave him such meaning and purpose in life, you need to read his story HERE. I believe reading his book will put so much more meaning behind his music for you.

Anyhow, check it out. I've already ordered mine, and can't wait to get it.

I take it back!!!

So, I spoke to soon about work slowing down!! I guess it was just a little tease for a day. Oh well. Two more weeks!!

Changes

Well, work is finally starting to slow down for me. After several weeks of skipping lunch break, staying late, and even taking work home over the weekend, I am definitely glad for the slow-down! You know, just a simple "thank you" from the boss would make me feel good about all my hard work, but I guess I will have to do without. I'm not complaining; just sort of evaluating my feelings, I guess--dealing with the retrospect feelings of, "Was all that worth it?"

My church just completed another week of VBS. They work hard to get alot of unchurched kids and teenagers from the community involved and use it as an outreach program. Listening to all the blessings and testimonies last night in church, I sure wished I could have been helping at VBS (like I did every year before my current job), and being involved in that eternal work, rather than my earthly work. But God gave me this job, and He knows where my heart was all week, so I'm going to trust Him with all that... Why do I still feel guilty? Probably because I'm too focused on what others think of me... story of my life.

Anyhow, I'm looking forward to new opportunities in the future. People are going to continue to judge my motives and reasons for doing what I'm doing (moving to San Antonio), but I'm going to continue to not let it get to me, and just follow what I feel to be God's hand leading me on.

I know this post is completely random. Really I'm just thinking on paper (or on screen, I suppose). I probably have lost a good group of readers due to my silence the last 2 months, and that's okay. I didn't start this blog for readers, but to have an outlet for what goes on inside my head and heart.

I have been so dizzy all day. I really need to start taking my iron supplements again.

See, I told you it was random.

Quick Update

Hello everyone.

I know it's been a while. Just wanted to let everyone know that my interview went great, and I did get the job. So praise the Lord for that. I found a great apartment only a mile away for a good price, so I'm just waiting on approval for that. My move date is August 10.

I've got a lot to do between now and then, so posts will probably continue to be scarce. But I've got wireless internet on my laptop and plan to continue blogging when I get settled in down in San Antonio.

Keep it real out there! Miss all of you and love some of you. (You can decide who you are!) ha ha ha.

Talk to ya soon,
Kristi

Next week's itenerary

Friday, June 3o

• Work from 8-5.
• Drive like a mad-woman home from work and pack Jeep for trip.
• Get on the road to Ohio by 6:00 pm
• Drive all night long

Saturday, July 1

• Arrive at grandparents house about 4 am
• Visit/talk/chit-chat for about an hour.
• Go to bed at 5 am and get up at 7 am
• Go to Cedar Point and wear yourself out even more all day.
• (Warn family that you will be very crazy and potentially dangerous operating on 2 hours sleep in 48 hours!)

July 2-4--Just relax and have fun with the family.

Wednesday, July 5

• Drive back to South Carolina from Ohio.
• Unpack, do laundry, and repack for next trip.

Thursday, July 6

• Work from 8-5 (and fix all the problems from my absence!).
• Leave straight from work and go to the airport.
• Fly out to San Antonio at 6:30 pm.
• Visit with friends, play with the kids, and go to bed!

Friday, July 7

• Interview at 10:00 am.
• Go looking at apartments all afternoon.

Saturday, July 8

• Get packed and ready to go back home
• Fly back to Columbia. Land at 10:55 pm.
• Drive home and then crash for 6 hours!!!!!!!

Sound like fun? woo-hoo.... I'll be in 3 states in 3 days... (well, more if you count the ones I drive through!) I might start to feel important or something! ha ha. NO seriously, I just wanted to post this so you all could pray for strength, safety, and energy in the next week for me. Thanks.

!! IMPORTANT MEMO!!

M E M O R A N D U M

TO: All Kristi's Korner readers, whether great or small, faithful or slack, comment-proficient or silent

FROM: The personal assistant to Miss Kristi R. Reese

DATE: June 6, 2006

SUBJECT: June and July elusiveness (thank you Katie, for adding that great word to my vocabulary.)


WHEREAS there are heaps and heaps of work stacked from floor to ceiling all around her office due to the nearing of the fiscal year end,

WHEREAS she is the only one here at the office processing all this work, and answering hundreds of questions every day, and trying to balance out 130+ state agencies' books,

WHEREAS she has now gone incognito in a little office somewhere as a state accountant instead of the professional blogger that she is,

WHEREAS in her free time away from work she must sort through her life and decide which things to throw away, which things to pack for her move; and also sort through all sorts of unwanted and ridiculous emotions from time to time, she

THEREFORE reluctantly declares an official break from blogging during the months of June and July. She may show up randomly at your blogs from time to time, but as Katie pointed out in her last comment, she is oh so elusive--you will not be able to track her down. Enjoy the break. Don't forget to come back later.


Sincerely,
The support staff for
Kristi R. Reese

PS: June 21 is her birthday, so if you happen to come by on that day, please leave all kinds of fun stuff and messages, and ecards, and whatever birthday wishes you deem appropriate. =)

I _____ :

Kc, Nan, and Green all had posted this recently. For lack of anything better (or rather the time to put real thought into a decent post), I decided to fill out this fun list. Feel free to borrow and do it yourself as well.

I AM: glad it's Friday!

I SAID: I don't like repeating myself.

I WANT: college football to hurry up and start.

I WISH: you didn't have to see my bad side so much

I MISS: hanging out with friends

I HEAR: thunder

I WONDER: about my future.

I REGRET: not getting a 4-year degree

I AM NOT: going to let you get me down

I DANCE: only when completely alone or else completely wound up

I SING: along to the radio a lot.

I CRY: any time I see a grown man cry.

I AM NOT ALWAYS: thoughtful of others.

I MAKE WITH MY HANDS: DEE-li-cious chocolate chip cookies

I WRITE: poetrty in order to sort through my feelings

I CONFUSE: myself by being too analytical

I NEED: a good massage

I SHOULD: be working right now.

I START: projects all gung-ho and then fizzle out fast

I FINISH: my laundry way past time when I should.

I LOVE: God, America, my family, my friends, and on and on I could go.

I TAG: anyone who wants to do this.

Kristi's Adventures at the Gas Pump

I had to get gas yesterday. So, I got off the exit where it's always the cheapest. Now, granted, sometimes I have to wait in line, but I figure paying $2.49 and having to wait a little is better than paying $2.63 or $2.69 elsewhere. So, I got in line. I was the only car in line for pump #4, and I think it was pretty obvious that I was waiting. Well, in comes this tiny little sports car and jumps right in front of me and pulls up to the pump as the other car was leaving.

Flashback: Last time this happened, I let the person know I was already in line and I was just a little ticked off by their inconsideration. Well, that led to nearly getting into a fist fight with a huge black guy. Lesson learned. I do not want to do that again.

So, with all the strength in me, I didn't mouth any words through my windshield or do anything ugly or obscene. I just pulled around to wait at the next pump.

I get there, no problem, put in my credit card and reach for the grade 87 pump. Umm, is this some kind of cruel joke? The handle thingy was totally gone. I was not about to get in line again, so after all that I ended up just getting the grade 89 gas for $2.59--still cheaper than other places.

Anyways, that's my story. Even the simplest things turn into adventures of bad luck with me. I don't get it.

No time, so here you go...

Your Eyes Should Be Gray

Your eyes reflect: Intensity and drive What's hidden behind your eyes: A sensitive soul

What Color Should Your Eyes Be?

Happy Memorial Day Weekend.

Throughout your busy activities at the lake or beach, with family or friends, playing games, BBQ-ing, and having a great time, don't forget to remember the reason for the holiday. Thank God for the men and women who have given their lives for this country.

Hope Against Hope

(I haven't written in traditional, stanza, set meter form in quite some time. So I thought I'd give it a whirl once again.)

Though I'd hoped against hope,
And brought my desires to God,
I'm still trying to cope
With heaven's disappointing nod.

Why does it hurt so bad?
I knew this end was probable.
Why do I feel so sad?
This just didn't seem possible.

Was it that hard a task?
I wanted something very small.
Was it too much to ask
For this one to give you his all?

The only one who's proved
To want more than friendship with me.
Why couldn't You have moved
That our hearts could beat in unity?

So many wasted years
Holding fast to an empty dream.
Why not just face my fears
And release this hopeful gleam.

But no. I see God move--
Slightly, but unmistakable.
I'll just wait while God proves
His word to be unbreakable.

So I'll hope against hope
And commit to prayer once again.
And pray I can cope
With what I find in the end.

So, so busy....

Sorry I haven't been around. Super busy! Just sayin' "Hi" real quick!

She's Da Dawg!

So, Cinnamon suddenly decides she's gonna take it upon herself to be tough Little Miss Guard Dog! She has made it her duty to protect me from anything and everything that seems even a tad bit out of the ordinary. Ha ha ha. (I get such a kick out of this--cuz she's so tiny, ya' know, but she thinks she's really tough. Sorta reminds me of me!)

The other morning, I took her outside as usual to take care of business. As I do, there's a man going for a morning run out in the street. Cinnamon bolts like lightning, tail tucked, ears back, racing after this guy, and starts barking it up. (I've only heard her bark one other time, and it was a little, quiet bark, so naturally, I was really surprised!)

I called her back to me, and she comes struttin back, holding her head high and proud, with the look on her face like, "Aren't you proud of me? Look what I did! I chased that man so far; he won't ever bother you again. I just protected you from sure death or other countless, horrible things. There's no telling what he might have done. Did you see how fast I ran, and how scary my bark was? Yeah, I know, I'm sooo good! I'm DA DAWG, YO!"

Okay, so maybe the look didn't say ALL that, but you get the point!

Anyways, last night I decide to do some sit-ups and push-ups before I go to bed, since I haven't been at the gym, and I'm starting to notice it! So, I get down on the floor and start doing some sit-ups. Cinnamon comes over, and starts looking at me like I've lost my mind!

After about 10 sit-ups, she'd had enough of whatever these weird movements were I was doing. So she puts her front two feet on my chest and pushes me back down to the ground. Then she procedes to climb on top of me and stand on all fours just daring me to try to sit up again. She glared at me like, "I will NOT have you hurting yourself. I didn't let that man hurt you, I don't let anyone hurt you, and I definitely won't have you hurting yourself!"

How can I say no to that? So, as much as I wanted to keep doing sit-ups, and as much as it just killed me to stop, I decided for her peace of mind, I would have to, just this once until she gets used to me doing sit-ups!

Have a great weekend, y'all!

SCENE IV

Familiarity is quickly exiting to backstage as all manner of unknown, uncertain, unproved, untried, and untested characters prepare to dominate center stage for the next scene in my life. Comfort flees with familiarity and a new guy, Uneasiness, takes up residence as these new and strange surroundings arrive.

The change of caste accompanies a change of places, people, situations, and relationships.
However, the most captivating detail of all is watching the transformations during each scene. Somehow, throughout the course of events and happenings, Doubt morphs into Trust, Uneasiness into Peace, and Unknown into Familiar.

See, this character Constant is a proud fellow. He thinks that if he is not occupying center stage, then Peace, Trust, Hope, Confidence, Comfort, or Joy could not be on stage either. After all, how could Peace be acting along side of Change?

But that is where this all begins to make a little sense. See Constant IS present. No matter how uncertain the future is, what career changes and location changes lie ahead, what people move out of my life, and what new ones move in, no matter how many dreams have not come true, and how many times this heart has been broken, one relationship is always constant. One Person is always present to ensure that yes, peace, trust, hope, confidence, and joy can all be present even while Change occupies a piece of the stage.

How does this work? Because this relationship is with the Director, Jesus Christ, and He never changes. He is the same yesterday, today, and forever. He provides stability in such an uncertain world. He's the One who transforms doubt into trust, uneasiness into peace, and unknown into familiar. The Director alone knows when and how this scene will end, and if it will perhaps be the final. Therefore, a relationship with Him is a must if I am to have any certainty at all about my future.

I think of all the uncertainties looming in the minds of Abraham, Joseph, Moses, David, Ruth, Mary, Peter, Paul, and John as the play of their lives was being written. But each one of these gave their uncertainties to God and moved by faith.

Yes, Change in many different forms is beginning to take over the stage. Yes, doubt and uneasiness lurk in the shadows. However, I have faith that the Director knows what He is doing, and that brings Peace and Contentment into the limelight as Scene IV unfolds.

And now for the picture version...

My friend Mary and her new orange convertible VW Bug.

Harmony and Trint

Kc, Corry, and Amber at Bellingrath Gardens

Another shot from the Gardens

Did I mention that I went to a rodeo with 4 crazy guys?

And here's Cinnamon, chillin in the shade under my chair at the beach.

One more road trip under my belt!

Five and a half days and 1525 driven (not flown... although some could contest that my driving is quite similar to flying) miles later, I suppose I'm none the worse for wear, and I now have quite a nice tan after only a few hours on Pensacola beach!

I did have a great trip! Thanks for all the well-wishes and prayers for safety and a good time. I was able to catch up with so many friends, and even meet new ones. I managed to navigate through Birmingham, AL during a major thunder/lightning/hail storm, and meet my friend Mary (who I haven't seen in 5 years) for a great BBQ dinner.

I went on to Tuscaloosa and spent a day with Harmony and Trint--good friends from college. They've been married almost 2 years now, and are just as cute as can be!

From there, I headed down to Mobile to meet Kc and Corry, and their daughter Amber. We had so much fun. I was greeted with some wonderful steaks straight off the grill, salad (just the way I like it!), corn on the cob, delicious bread, on and on.... They know how to feed ya' down there, let me just tell you! Oh yeah, and a bag of Reese's peanut butter cups too... can't forget those!

We talked, and chilled, and relaxed. Then Kc got his guitar out and we started jammin'. Okay, not really "jammin" but it was fun anyways! =) And Corry surprised me with a great drawing she did from my profile pic! She's amazing! They took me to Bellingrath gardens the next day, and let me add that God was really gracious with the weather the whole time I was there. The forecast did not look good, but God gave us perfect weather. Anyways, this garden place was absolutely beautiful.

I will post pictures once I see how they turned out. Kc posted some pics on his blog, but I don't have time to do the link-thing now. (What am I talking about?... I don't have time to even be doing this right now, but oh well!)

Anyways, I eventually had to leave these sweet people after such a short visit, and head to Pensacola. My brother's performance in the play was outstanding! He's a natural I guess. But while I was there, I ran into so many other college friends from my infamous days there as a student. I did manage to rip away from all of them long enough to sneak in a few hours alone (well, Cinnamon was with me) at the beach.

Can I just add that Cinnamon (my little dog) made a great travelling companion. I'm glad I decided to bring her with me. She seemed to enjoy it too.

Also got to hear Pastor Schettler (Campus Church in Pensacola) preach again. I really respect and admire him. His ministry has really helped me a lot.

I was able to spend a little time with my brother's girlfriend, Monica, which is always tons of fun! She just informed me that she does read this, but is not able to comment for some reason, so HI! Monica!

On the way home, some good friends of ours were travelling with us until we got to Montgomery. Then they headed north on 65 to 59, and my bro. and I got on 85 north. Well, a couple hours later, they had a flat tire and were stranded in the middle of nowhere. Everything was already closed for the night in the closest little town, and on top of all that the cell phone went dead and they didn't have a charger. Poor guys! Well, we finally heard from them 4 hours later and they said someone had come to help them, and they were back on the road again. Those poor guys! I'm glad they didn't have to stay there all night though.

Anyhow, I'm back at work now. Woo-hoo! I was really enjoying a life of 100% socializing. But, back to reality! Work this summer is going to be even more hectic than predicted, because a guy in my department just resigned. So, the work that is usually split between 3 of us will have to be split between only 2 of us. But, it's okay. We'll get-'er-done!

I'll post pictures just as soon as possible. My digital camera is broken, so it's not quite as easy to get them from the camera to my blog anymore! All in good time.

I can't wait to catch up on what's going on with all of you.

Peace.

A Little Less Face Time for me.

With May now upon us, my life begins to get hectic. In the work that I do, the busiest time of year is May, June, and July as we balance and close out the old fiscal year, and establish the budget for the new year. I'm telling you this just to simply say that my posts here will not be as regular as I would like for a few months. I will get on here and visit you all as often as possible, but I may have to do most of that over the weekends. We will see. Feel free to drop in and send emails or whatever. I will do my best to respond to those in a timely manner.

I am leaving this Thursday afternoon, and slowly making my way down to Florida. I say slowly, because Thursday night, I'll be staying with my college friend Harmony and her husband Trint, and then Friday night, I'll be staying with Kc and Corry. Then sometime Saturday afternoon or evening, I'll head over to Pensacola to see my brother and pick him up from college for the summer. He's got the lead role in the Shakespeare play "Much Ado About Nothing", so I'll get to see him perform Monday night.

Well, that's about it. I'll be around, just maybe not as much.

Happy Birthday, Mom.

Keep it real,

Kristi

Pet Peeve of mine

You want to know something that really bothers me? Probably not, but I'm going to tell you anyways. So stop reading now if you know what's good for you!

What really, really bothers me is when a person doesn't even care to even TRY to understand me or what I'm saying. When I get the "don't explain; I won't understand" line, it just tears me up! I don't understand why someone would not WANT to understand. I guess it just bothers me more than it would most people because I DO use a lot of time and effort trying to understand people. That's what I do. When you say something, I'm thinking what made you say it; why you said it in that manner; what kind of response you may be looking for; what else can I tell went UN-said by what you DID say. I mean, yeah, I'm an analyzer I guess.

I need to stop letting things like this bother me. Not everyone cares to understand, and I shouldn't take it personal. I think that's the key to this whole thing. I take it as personal rejection if someone doesn't want to take the time to listen so they can understand. When, in reality, it's not personal rejection. It doesn't change our relationship or how they feel about me. They just don't place any importance on understanding, when I place much importance on it. I guess it boils down to a conflict of values and personalities.

Okay, I'm done with my self-psychology session. Goodness, I read through that and felt like I was both a patient and the psychologist treating myself. Crazy. Just wanted to think through that a little bit.

So, what do you all have planned for the weekend?

You have to read this

The Evolution of God, an article masterfully written and presented by Adam over at the Protestant Pub is a must-read. Here's a little sample:

The God portrayed within the Old Testament is one of frightfully short nerves. One that demands respect and fear and is not hesitant to rein fire from heaven to be sure such respect and fear is given Him.

We then proceed a little further within history and the Biblical testimony and find this same God humbling Himself so fully that we find Him a little pooping baby; a toddler being led about by a mortal human and then an adult washing feet and waiting tables. We likewise see a beaten heap of bloody flesh that is cursed and reviled and yet never offers defense of Himself.

A beautiful God so loving that He would unite in marriage Himself to putrid and ugly sinners.

The Jesus of the Gospels seems a far cry from the Yahweh of the Old.

Go read the complete article and be blessed.

What have I done now?

How many times have you just wanted to KICK yourself, good and hard? Well, that's what I have felt like the past couple days. I've had this really good friend for a long time, and I messed it up. I didn't intend to; I didn't want to; if I had thought through things, I would've never even told this person these things. But we got to talking, and I was having a rough time with some other things already, so I go and tell him that I have feelings for him, or had feelings for him, and that I don't know which...

Oh my word, Kristi! What a mess.

Let me just say, in case you don't already know it, that when you are emotional already and confused about other things is NOT the time to have the "I like you" conversation.

Thank you. That is all for now.

It's a good day.

I finally got a spot in the parking garage!!!! Woo-Hoo! (Those of you who have been reading for a while KNOW how much of a hassle parking has been for me the past year and a half!)

I started a MySpace account at the urging of some college friends, and have been running into so many people I haven't talked to in years! It's pretty cool.

It's Friday!

Several Specially Selected Shakespearean Sonnets

Okay, that was a really fun title! Anyways, in case you didn't know it, I LOVE Shakespeare's writings, especially his sonnets. Yes, they are written in Old English, but if you take the time to think about what you are reading, it's not that hard to understand. He was extremely talented in his abilities to communicate truth and principles through verse.

Here are some sonnets I chose because they are personal favorites of mine. Enjoy and ponder. Some, you are probably already familiar with; others, you may not be so familiar. Have fun!


****************************************
10
For shame deny that thou bear'st love to any,
Who for thy self art so unprovident.
Grant, if thou wilt, thou art beloved of many,
But that thou none lov'st is most evident:
For thou art so possessed with murderous hate,
That 'gainst thy self thou stick'st not to conspire,
Seeking that beauteous roof to ruinate
Which to repair should be thy chief desire.
O! change thy thought, that I may change my mind:
Shall hate be fairer lodged than gentle love?
Be, as thy presence is, gracious and kind,
Or to thyself at least kind-hearted prove:
Make thee another self for love of me,
That beauty still may live in thine or thee.

18
Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?
Thou art more lovely and more temperate:
Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May,
And summer's lease hath all too short a date:
Sometime too hot the eye of heaven shines,
And often is his gold complexion dimmed,
And every fair from fair sometime declines,
By chance, or nature's changing course untrimmed:
But thy eternal summer shall not fade,
Nor lose possession of that fair thou ow'st,
Nor shall death brag thou wander'st in his shade,
When in eternal lines to time thou grow'st,
So long as men can breathe, or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this gives life to thee.

29
When in disgrace with fortune and men's eyes
I all alone beweep my outcast state,
And trouble deaf heaven with my bootless cries,
And look upon myself, and curse my fate,
Wishing me like to one more rich in hope,
Featured like him, like him with friends possessed,
Desiring this man's art, and that man's scope,
With what I most enjoy contented least;
Yet in these thoughts my self almost despising,
Haply I think on thee, and then my state,
Like to the lark at break of day arising
From sullen earth, sings hymns at heaven's gate;
For thy sweet love remembered such wealth brings
That then I scorn to change my state with kings.

60
Like as the waves make towards the pebbled shore,
So do our minutes hasten to their end;
Each changing place with that which goes before,
In sequent toil all forwards do contend.
Nativity, once in the main of light,
Crawls to maturity, wherewith being crowned,
Crooked eclipses 'gainst his glory fight,
And Time that gave doth now his gift confound.
Time doth transfix the flourish set on youth
And delves the parallels in beauty's brow,
Feeds on the rarities of nature's truth,
And nothing stands but for his scythe to mow:
And yet to times in hope, my verse shall stand
Praising thy worth, despite his cruel hand.

61
Is it thy will, thy image should keep open
My heavy eyelids to the weary night?
Dost thou desire my slumbers should be broken,
While shadows like to thee do mock my sight?
Is it thy spirit that thou send'st from thee
So far from home into my deeds to pry,
To find out shames and idle hours in me,
The scope and tenor of thy jealousy?
O, no! thy love, though much, is not so great:
It is my love that keeps mine eye awake:
Mine own true love that doth my rest defeat,
To play the watchman ever for thy sake:
For thee watch I, whilst thou dost wake elsewhere,
From me far off, with others all too near.

90
Then hate me when thou wilt; if ever, now;
Now, while the world is bent my deeds to cross,
Join with the spite of fortune, make me bow,
And do not drop in for an after-loss:
Ah! do not, when my heart hath 'scaped this sorrow,
Come in the rearward of a conquered woe;
Give not a windy night a rainy morrow,
To linger out a purposed overthrow.
If thou wilt leave me, do not leave me last,
When other petty griefs have done their spite,
But in the onset come: so shall I taste
At first the very worst of fortune's might;
And other strains of woe, which now seem woe,
Compared with loss of thee, will not seem so.

116
Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments. Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove:
O, no! it is an ever-fixed mark,
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wandering bark,
Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.
Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle's compass come;
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.
If this be error and upon me proved,
I never writ, nor no man ever loved.

*above selections all written by William Shakespeare

I know it's a lot, but geez... it's hard to chose from over 150!

Pensacola Beach

I am stuck in a phase of having nothing to say. Here's some pictures of Pensacola Beach. I will be going back there in a couple weeks. Man! I miss those beaches--they are the best!

It's just beautiful... I can't wait!

Hopefully, my brain will start working again soon, and I will have something more substantial for you later!

Weekend Ramblings

Let the beach times begin!

Yep. I went to the beach Saturday. It was beautiful, but pretty windy and very crowded! Still was nice to get out there. I took Cinnamon with me. She absolutely LOVED running along the edge of the beach. She wore me out. I couldn't keep up with her! Anyways, on the way there, I saw an absolutely SWEET Ferrari. I kept trying to take pics out the windshield with my phone. Here's the best that I got:

I sure wouldn't mind taking that V12, who-knows-how-many-horsepower-engine for a spin!

So, if Saturday wasn't cool enough, Easter Sunday rocked! Our little church (at the most, we have 100 on Sunday mornings) does a community Easter sunrise service each year. Yesterday, we had 600+ in attendance! The Word was preached and many got saved. Praise the Lord.

Then, it got pretty emotional last night. One of our church members got shipped off to Iraq this morning. So last night we had a goodbye party type of thing for him. I've known him since I was just in diapers, so it was pretty tough to say goodbye. Anyhow, keep Mr. Gantt in your prayers as well as his wife when you think about it, along with all of our soldiers over there and their families here.

That is all my ramblings for now. =) Happy Monday.

I saved 3 lives today

I donated blood. Have you?

Truly Loved

The concept of love became increasingly blurred,
Slurred, and eventually not even preferred
Over being alone.

The shallow hearts had whispered their empty words,
I heard; my heart stirred momentarily,
But then broke, and retreated.

I promised myself no more confusion and dead-end conclusions.
I sought a resolution to the pain and delusion
Of this great intrusion upon my heart.

Maybe the answer was in building a wall to my emotions.
Devotion and attention-seeking motions would never again
Penetrate this stronghold.

However, darkness soon settled and requested a new solution.
Widespread pollution and stubborn refusion of love
Does not destroy its necessity.

Perhaps loving all, freely, openly, with no reservation
Would be the redeeming preservation
Of some form of love in my life.

But alas, this philosophy burns deep as well.
Into hell, and I fell completely apart
And finally, could no longer feel or be felt.

So this is the wreck, the hurting, lonely soul you have found.
Nothing profound; just a limp body on the ground
Needing the breath of life and love.

You touch me. You bring me close and hold me.
You fold me, and cold dissipates into your warmth
As you whisper softly in my ear.

You tell me you can teach me of true love; of passion,
And my reaction is quite a distraction
Because initially I’m very reluctant.

But you persist. You stop talking and start showing
Love is flowing, and I am glowing
In this previously unknown joy.

I let myself be truly loved for the first time,
And the rhyme and laughter divine that fill my soul
Heal the hurts of the past.

Gradually, I respond to your gentle urging
Purging out faults, and now surging with desire
To love you back.

So I thank you for giving love to me unreservedly
Now I see, I can be loved unselfishly;
Because I feel your heart.

With great wonder I face each new day;
And each way you say, “I love you;
You are precious.”

Just because I don't have much...

...doesn't mean everyone else has nothing to say.

We've got some good discussions going on at the Protestant Pub as well as the forum there.

Kc has posted some wonderfully informative and helpful articles regarding church discipline.

Stephanie has recently finished detailing her 8-day missions trip to Jamaica, complete with beautiful pictures.

And my good friend Lance has recently started a MSN Space. Go on over there to Lance's Lounge... "a place where one can always chill and speak what they feel", and leave him some encouraging comments. Tell him I sent ya'!

Everyone else I read has great stuff going on as well... I'm sorry, I just don't have the time to get it up here right now. So leave us comments promoting your blog and what you have going on over there.

Peace!

Does anyone understand ME?

Some things happen to use in life, and we just do not understand what is going on. Well, it's true for me, anyways. Some things look so right in our own eyes, and by our own understanding, and yet no one else seems to understand us or see it our way.

Do you ever wish that someone would just be able to look at you and understand how you're feeling; understand your needs at that very moment, without you having to go through the effort of explaining, and communicating, and hoping you won't be misunderstood? Would be nice, huh? Do you ever wish that someone could know how miserably you have failed, and just help you up, forgive, and get you going in the right direction once again without you having to go through the whole story of what you did, why you did it, what led you to do it, etc, etc.? Do you get irritated with friends for not noticing that , "Hell-lloo?? I'm hurting here... Can't you see it?"

The One we need to go to when we feel this way is usually the exact One we shy away from. We feel guilty for letting Him down. We feel ashamed for not being faithful. We feel embarrassed for not being true to the blood that bought us. We're too proud to admit our wrong and ask for forgiveness and grace once again.

But we can take comfort in the fact that He won't misunderstand us. He DOES already know how we feel and what we need. He simply asks us to humble ourselves, and confess our sins. He'll be faithful and just to forgive us and cleanse us. He will get us through whatever we are facing that we don't understand. He made us. He knows us. He knows what He's doing in our lives, even when we don't understand it. And He calls to us, "Trust ME."

He is my lover, helper, and friend.
He loves me.
He loves me just the way I am.
He loves me enough to not let me stay the way I am.
He loves me by correcting me.
He loves me even when I don’t love back.
He helps me.
He helps me overcome my enemies.
He helps me through each day, and each moment.
He helps me cope in times of sorrow.
He helps me when I just don’t know what to do.
He’s my friend.
He’s my friend by listening to my cares.
He’s my friend by telling me what I need to hear.
He’s my friend by remaining loyal no matter what
He’s my friend by encouraging my spirit.


This old hymn is in my head today:

"Jesus is all the world to me, my life, my joy, my all;
He is my strength from day to day, without Him I would fall.
When I am sad, to Him I go, no other one can cheer me so;
When I am sad, He makes me glad, He’s my Friend."

What a woman needs

(You all may have received the same email a couple weeks ago. If so, I apologize for the redundancy. I don't have the time or thoughts to do anything new today. But... then again, why am I apologizing and explaining? If you don't like what you find here, you don't have to read it!) Have a great weekend!



Advice for the ladies.........decades too late!!

If you want someone who will bring you the paper without first tearing it apart to remove the sports section

Buy a dog.

If you want someone willing to make a fool of himself simply over the joy of seeing you

Buy a dog.

If you want someone who will eat whatever you put in front of him and never says its not quite as good as his mother made it

Buy a dog

If you want someone always willing to go out, at any hour, for as long and wherever you want

Buy a dog.

If you want someone who will never touch the remote, doesn't care about football, and can sit next to you as you watch romantic movies

Buy a dog.

If you want someone who is content to get up on your bed just to warm your feet and whom you can push off if he snores

Buy a dog.

If you want someone who never criticizes what you do, doesn't care if you are pretty or ugly, fat or thin, young or old, who acts as if every word you say is especially worthy of listening to, and loves you unconditionally, perpetually

Buy a dog.


But, on the other hand, If you want someone who will never come when you call, ignores you totally when you come home, leaves hair all over the place, walks all over you, runs around all night and only comes home to eat and sleep, and acts as if your entire existence is solely to ensure his happiness...

Then.................




Buy a cat! (You thought I was talking about a man didn't you?)

Time to Testify!

In an effort to encourage myself (and hopefully others) in the Lord, I want you to tell me what your favorite thing about God is. Maybe an attribute of His that blesses you, or your favorite promise, or just a thought that picks you up when you're down. Just pretend it's Sunday night Testimony time, and share away. It will be a blessing.

I'll start with something small. My favorite thing about God is that He understands me. He knows me personally. He never takes my words or actions the wrong way. He knows my deepest thoughts, wants, needs, desires. And He wants me to know Him that same way!

Your turn.

Weird Fact

Today at 3 seconds after two minutes after 1:00, it will be

01:02:03 04/05/06.

How cool is that?

The little things are HUGE

Okay, so I could complain today about how I didn't have "my space" this morning while getting ready for work. I could complain about leaving my cell phone at home, and having to turn around and get it, and therefore be stuck in gobs of traffic and be late to work. (yes, I said "gobs.") I could complain about how I forgot my hydrocortizone cream, and have had no relief for my itching poison oak today because of it. I could complain that my little dog broke my heart this morning by audibly crying when I shut the door and left her all alone... twice (because I had to go back for the phone, remember?) I could complain that my lunch plans fell through, or that work is being a butt, or that I can't afford to put gas in my Jeep.


BUT I'M NOT GOING TO. Nope. I'm not going to complain about any of that.


You know why? Because something really small made up for all those things. I was attempting to balance my checkbook (on a side note: you know, it's kind of scary that I'm responsible for balancing the books for the agencies of the whole state, and yet I can't seem to balance my own.)
So anyways, my online account kept saying I have more money than my register says I have. After going through months of records, I finally found where I had subtracted a deposit instead of adding it. DUH! Anyways, it made my day. Because, now instead of just adding the $60.00, I get to add $120.00 because I had originally subtracted it. Woo-hoo. It's like getting paid, except I really didn't get paid.


The smallest things are the biggest, I tell ya!

Poison Oak Itches

Really bad!