TSA Abuse

So remember when those very revealing "porno" scanners came out in airports a few months ago? Then we had to pick between two evils--whether to have our naked image on display, or to go through an invasive full-body pat-down. Well, while travelling this weekend, on both my departure and return flight, I had to endure not just ONE, but BOTH evils! First the porno scanner, then also invasive full-body patdowns! I was completey horrified. First of all, to anyone who has never experienced physical or sexual abuse, you don't quite understand the emotions that arise when someone that you don't want touching you IS touching you and you are helpless to do anything about it; helpless to resist or run. This experience brought so many deeply buried memories and feelings to mind, that I could not stop crying for hours. It ruined my trip, and I have filed a complaint with the TSA dept, not that it will accomplish anything, but at least I voiced my feelings. From the outside looking in, it may seem silly to let a little "frisking" bother me so much, but it did, and I feel my rights were violated. Please complain to the TSA if you feel the same.

What Has Changed?

1. Well, for starters, let's just get this out of the way... I'm no longer a church-attending hypocrite. What a relief! (More on that later).
2. I have a wonderful man who loves me, wants to marry me, and treats me better than any boyfriend I've ever had. He's the most self-less, understanding, and kind individual while still maintaining a good sense of humor.
3. I've got two girls (8 and 5) that love me (most of the time!) and are so very affectionate. They have a way of lighting up my worst days.
4. I quit my last job, started a new one, quit that one, and started a new job again! Ha ha... Still in ophthalmology--can't seem to get away from that!
5. My cousin and also my brother are both engaged to be married this year. Congratulations!
6. I have an entire room of flip-flop decor in my house, right down to the bed sheets and night-light!
7. Nearly all my friends have had more babies...
8. I have finally travelled out of the country.
9. I am a certified open water Scuba Diver, and I love it!
10.Just learned to ski for the first time 2 weeks ago... I don't love it yet, but didn't hate it either.

Time on my Hands

What is blogging again? I think I forgot! But I find myself at a job once again where I have a lot of free time, so maybe I'll pick it back up; maybe not! We'll see.

A lot has changed in my life.... Can't wait to write about it. Maybe I'll spread out the past year over several posts so I don't run out of info too fast! ha ha.

Going to lunch now. Must go check on our new little puppy.

Confessions of a Broken-Hearted Girl

She waited

Darkness

Ever-evading sleep

She stirred

Headlights

Another meaningless act

She wondered

Arrival

So pathetic; so swallowed up

She remembered

Life

Programmed, principled, but empty

She knew

Demise

Concealed from childhood

She shivered

Images

Happy family at church

She saw

Family

Stripped of glimmering hypocrisy

She felt

Angry words

Belittling looks; degrading actions

She decided

Compliance

Follow all that she knew

She searched

Love

Acceptance; happiness

She found

Men

Who used and lied

She hurt

Disappointment

Failure; confusion

She hardened

No tears

None would cause hurt again

She broke

Emotion

So lonely; depressed

She wanted

A man's love

Trust, unattainable

She settled

Lust

Took what was easy

She remained

Empty

Unfulfilled; unhappy

She cried

Doubt

Of all truth and goodness

She prayed

GOD

Forgive; heal; help

She rejoices

Contentment

A Father's love

Disaster Waiting to Happen!

This was my day today. From a bad car wreck on the highway making me an hour late to work, to a freezing cold office, to spilled coffee, to patients cancelling, to instruments breaking, to emergencies, to broken cable box at home, to a run in my hose, to remembering I forgot to do something before I left work.... on and on... It's just been one of those days. Good thing I can start all over in the morning. Isn't that great? Aren't you glad we have new days? What if life was just one long day? If it was a bad day, that would be terrible, because you know once something goes wrong, the whole day is screwed. Can you imagine if one thing went wrong and the whole rest of your life was screwed? Ha! I'm thankful for nice 24-hour days that start over and over and over, giving us a chance to have many good days to balance out the disastrous ones!

Football weather in Texas! Driving around today, windows down, sunroof open, hair blowing in the breeze, and radio blasting. All cares just fly right out the window! And the sweetest music in the world coming from the TV--the music of a good ole SEC football game. Life is good!

Whatever "IT" is...

Well, I don't know what it is, but Fall-time coming and Football starting just make me come alive!! I have an extra something in my step, and I'm just an all-around happier person, and a lot more fun to be around this time of year!!

Check out this blog!

My super-cool awesome brother decided to start his own blog....


Check him out here.

Send lots of "Beginner's Support" his way!

Thanks

house

Ughh.... Buying a house is a lot of work, and paperwork, and negotiating, and fine print, and sneaky people, and its like everyone is just out for themselves! But it will be worth it!!

Yay!

**Breaking News!** My ex is moving to Houston! No more worries of ever running into him! Couldn't be happier.

Finally went and met my "niece" this weekend!

You know it's HOT when...

Ice cream feels like just as much a necessity as air and water!

I'm all grown up

Think I'm going to start looking into buying a house. I want that $8000 for first-time home-buyers in 2009!

Miscellaneous stuff...

It's funnny... when I just typed that word "miscellaneous", I literally had to think out loud, "miss cell came down the lane, oh, she's coming to see us." I know, sounds totally crazy unless you were taught to spell it that way like I was. Funny what things stick in your head!!

Anyways, I had a great little three-way call with my bro and sis the other night. It was fun. Hi guys, Have fun in Newfoundland!!

I didn't have any internet for the last 24 hours. I thought I was gonna go crazy! No blogging, facebooking, myspacing, or twittering! What is one to do? Ha ha.

So, I got ready early for work today, and decided to go by Starbucks. Well, I'm in the drive-through line, and this truck is backing out and totally crashes into me. She never even looked behind her!! So, I park the car, and get out (because as you know, if you know me at all, I am very familiar with the car accident scene... I could write a book, but that's something for another day). Anyways, this moron in the red truck looks around and then guns it and takes off. My eagle eyes did catch the lisence plate as she was speeding away (maybe I did learn something from my stupid cop ex-boyfriend). So, I was gonna file a police report, but there wasn't even a dent or scratch on my car, so I didn't bother. I still wish she wouldn't get away with a hit and run though!! How rude!!

Big things happening at work today. I submitted a resignation letter of sorts, and they don't want to lose me, so I get to be some kind of supervisor and get a raise. About time!! Hope no one from work reads this, because that is still supposed to be on the DL. So, keep it quiet, people!!

This weekend is my birthday, next weekend, I go to Fort Worth to see my friend and meet her 5-month old baby, and the weekend after that my mom is coming to visit me for the first time in three years!! So, it's gonna be busy for a while. Holla at your girl!! Peace.

But on the other hand...

I'm a good listener.
I genuinely care about other people's feelings.
I'm careful not to intentionally hurt others.
I see the good in almost everyone.
I try to focus on friends' strengths and minimize weaknesses.
I am loyal and consistent.
and I make good chocolate chip cookies!

So, its not all bad news. =)

Confession

I am a selfish friend.
I am terrible at loving other people.
I let my past control me.
I stay defensive and guarded.
I am not good at relationships.
I let the wrong things affect me emotionally.
I am not open or receptive to people who love me.
I choose to trust people that I know will hurt me.
I seem to have an appetite for mental self-destruction.

Comfortability

Is it really all that? Every life has patterns. We each tend to find a set of patterns that is comfortable for us, and fall into their easy routines. We are never really 100% satisfied with these patterns. Most of us acknowledge that we really could do better, but then, its comfortable, so why rock the boat?

So when a title wave comes along and rocks our boat for us, we have no choice but to step out of our comfortable patterns for a while. We are forced into new, unchartered territories and compelled to make decisions on how to face them. Not many enjoy this, or thrive on the opportunities to feel uncomfortable, yet coming through on the other end, we usually find that the experience was beneficial, positive, or character-building in some way.

Then, once everything has calmed back down, WHY do we settle back into our former, mediocre patterns? Why do we insist on throwing our valuable life-lesson out once the disturbance is gone? Maybe settling down into normalcy is not a good answer. Maybe routine, comfortable patterns do more to hurt than to help. Do we want constant turbulence? Well, no. So why can't we listen and learn when things are calm? Why is it that we need such a big storm in order to reevaluate or lives?

Could there be such a thing as a comfortable, routine pattern that is non-complacent? Comfortablility that is in no way a compromise? How can we find a place in life that fulfils the basic human needs of security and groundedness without becoming lazy and cowardly towards new ideas, movements, situations, people, tragedies, opportunities, etc.

Is there a balance? If so, how do I maintain a life within those bounds? Something to think about...

These be hard times...

Isn't that a quote from a famous speech or something?? I dunno, it was just in my head.

Anyways, I need a pick-me-up! Working extra hours at work, no rest, still trying to get my money back from my ex, and just the plain-ole-blues have overtaken me!

I need some ice cream!

Oh, and I hope Cleveland doesn't get knocked out of the Finals tonight! That would be a bummer.

Happy Memorial Day.

Have fun and be safe out there. Remember the reason for this holiday.

Personally, I'm trying to remember what to do on holidays with no family or significant other around... Maybe I'll go hang out at the pool and read a book. It's so sad how much I look forward to days off, and then when I have one, I almost wish I was at work, just so I would have something to do!! ALMOST!! I don't really want to be at work. Just need to figure out something to keep me occupied for a while... and it's not going to be sitting in front of the computer, so I'm out.

NCIS

Does anyone else watch NCIS? I'm a big fan. I watched the finale Tuesday and I'm wondering if Ziva is going to be back for Season 7 or if that was their way of writing her off the show for good...

Along those lines, I did NOT watch American Idol finale last night along with the rest of America. I really didn't care about it. It's kinda getting old, if you ask me.

I'm exhausted. I'm a little behind at work, so I went in for a 10 1/2 hour day today! Running around on 3 inch heels all day was not very smart, and could explain the aching in my back right now! I'm so glad Monday is a holiday! I need it.

And, Happy birthday, Kelli!