Texas Trip Part 2

San Antonio was beautiful, as always. My cousin Kelsey took me out with some of her 16-year-old friends in her brand new 2-door bright red Honda Accord. Yeah, bad combination. New, 16 yr. old driver in a new, fast, sporty car. Let's just say it helped my prayer life out a good bit!

Then I stayed with my good friend Valerie for a few days. She has a two and a half year old, Gabriella, and a 1 week old, Angelina. They were just precious. Gabriella was so full of personality. The minute I stepped in the door, she ran up to me and wanted me to hold her and was giving me hugs and kisses. It was just sweet. Then it was three days of feeding babies, changing diapers, reading books, watching cartoons, cleaning up messes, putting down for naps, waking up from naps, the whole deal. I suppose I thought it was so much fun because I could leave any time I wanted! I knew my life wasn't going to stay like that for long. But I did really enjoy it.

Then there's Jason. Valerie's brother. We dated 4 years ago, and it's been that long since I've seen him, because he's been in Iraq. I knew it was going to be slightly awkward seeing him again. It wasn't too bad the first couple days. We hung out as friends and caught up on a lot of stuff. Then we had "the talk." uuggghhhh. I hate having to be serious! Anyways, I know you don't really care about all the juicy details, so basically, he told me he still liked me a lot and he just felt a special connection between us, and wanted to try dating again... blah, blah, blah.

Well, believe it or not, I've actually grown up a bit in the past four years, and don't just swoon and lose all sense when somebody starts talking to me this way. So, I had to be a little heart-breaker once again. (I'm getting to be pretty good at that, and I don't like it at all!)

"Jason, there's a lot of things I really like about you. You'll make a great dad one day; I know you'll always treat your girl very well; you're hard-working... But there's one thing that is missing. One thing that's very important to me. I need a guy who is a strong spiritual leader. I need HIM to be the one that wakes up Sunday morning, and says "c'mon; we're going to church." I need HIM to be the one to initiate prayer and Bible reading. Jason, yes, you're a Christian, and that's wonderful, but it doesn't seem to mean very much to you right now. You've got a lot of bitterness built up in your life towards God, and you need to deal with that. You've got to let it go, and start wanting to be a better Christian. Yes, I care about you, but I cannot let this one slide. It's too important."

Whew. Okay, so it wasn't quite that thought out or clear when I actually said it, but that's the idea I was trying to communicate. Not an easy thing to do at all, but it needed to be done.

My cousin must have good connections at the airlines, because I flew from San Antonio back to Houston, and I was the only stand-by person they allowed on the flight. They turned everyone else away, because it was booked. Then, my flight from Houston back to Columbia, the same thing happened. Well, this time, they weren't even going to let me on the flight. But Brian was with me, and he went and talked to somebody, and next thing ya' know, I'm on the flight. Praise the Lord.

So that's a briefing of my trip. There was so much more that happened, but I don't have the time, so I'll spare you all the other details!

My trip Part 1

Howdy, ya'll! Good to be back. Can't wait to go see what's been happening with all of you this past week!

Well, I crammed so much into one week, that I'm going to have to split it up in to parts for you. (Besides the fact that my desk is piled high with work from last week, and I really don't have time to be doing this anyways!)

The first day, I spent in Houston. My cousin Brian lives there. He works for the airlines, and got me a sweet deal for the tickets.

We had a lot of fun. We are a lot alike, so when we get together, we can cause a lot of trouble!! But that's all right. That's what family is for, right? He's an animal lover. He's got 3 dogs, and they are just precious. They are so spoiled.

We left the next morning for his parents house. They live on a 900 acre ranch. It was just absolutely gorgeous. They took my phone and watch for 2 days, and said I wasn't allowed to look at either one the whole time I was there! At first, I didn't like that idea, but then I got used to it, and it was really nice. Being there just helps you forget every care in the world. It was very relaxing and peaceful. The driveway alone is about 5 miles long! We had lots of good food. All the meat came from animals hunted on the ranch. We had tamales made with antelope meat, axis deer steaks, whitetail deer steaks, wild pig sausage and bacan. It was soooo good. And, of course I consumed at least 10 liters of Dr. Pepper during my week in Texas.

Here's a shocker: I was up by 5:00 every morning!!! CRAZY! Yeah, I don't know what happened to me, the one who hates getting up and loves to sleep in! I would get up and take the four-wheeler out wherever I pleased, and just sit and watch the animals and take pictures and stuff. It was totally awesome having 900 acres and a fourwheeler. Here's some pictures:

(I have lots more pics of the ranch, but blogger is being stupid right now. I will add more as I'm able.)

My last night at the ranch, I was just itching to shoot something. I've shot guns before--shotguns, rifles, pistols, whatever. But, I'd never actually shot at an animal before, and I wanted to. So, there were some really nice 12-point bucks that I had seen, but my cousin said I couldn't shoot one, because we didn't have time to go get it processed and all. So, I had to shoot something small. We went up to one of the blinds and waited. Lots of whitetail, and axis, sykas, jackrabbits came out to eat. Then a group of five little boars came out. The was no momma boar around. Brian told me I could shoot those.

"What!?? Shoot the baby piggies?? No way."

"Yeah, shoot the babies. They grow up to be big, mean, ugly pigs. They eat all the food. They put holes in the fences. They have 10 or 12 babies at a time. They've got to go. You'll be doing us all a favor."

"Okay, fine. I'll shoot one. Give me the gun."

I got the Remington 270 all lined up, and Brian said,

"Hey, see if you can get two pigs lined up, and get them both with one shot."

"Uh, okay. I've never done this before, and you think I can get two my first time? Whatever. I'll try."

I actually got to a point where I had three lined up. I figured, "Hey, I'm bound to hit at least one if I've got 3 lined up in my crosshairs."

I shot.

Two pigs were on their backs squealing and yelping. (Okay, yeah, I didn't have to put that in there. Sorry.)

They finally rolled over and gave up the ghost, and that's when I saw it.

"Uh, Brian?"

"Yeah? Good shot, girlie!"

"Uh, I think I see a third one down."

"NO WAY"

Yep, sure enough. My one shot had killed three pigs! Everyone was so excited. They were telling me I had broken records, and they took a billion pictures, and called me Annie Oakley and stuff. It was great.

Until I went and looked at them close up. Then it was gross. But I won't describe it. I'll just show you a picture!

Cool. Then it was off to San Antonio. Part 2 coming later.

As promised, here's something sappy. Take it or Leave it!

As promised, here's a little sappy something for you lovers out there who just can't get enough of each other! (If you are single, please also see the post below, "Being God's Valentine").
This is the very first love poem I ever wrote. (I think I was 16.) Don't bother asking about the circumstances surrounding it's birth, because I simply will not tell you. (Not to be ugly, but that's just my perogative!)

My Love For You


My love for you is just beginning,
Springing from within and winning
Over doubts and fears. It leads me
And controls me shining sweetly.

My love for you is because you care,
You laugh, you love, you touch, you share,
You kiss, you hug, you hurt, you cry—
For this love’s well cannot run dry.

My love for you has many causes,
And even through the awful pauses
Of our friendship has grown,
Sprouted wings and high has flown.

My love for you will never die
Though we must sometime say goodbye.
And like a star although distant,
My love for you will remain persistent.

*********************************************************

Okay, I really am leaving now. I appreciate all the wishes for a safe, happy, and fun trip. I will take lots of pictures, and take you all on a photo tour of my trip when I get back.

Have a wonderful Valentine's Day.

Mucho amor a todos mis amigos!

(If ya' can't read Spanish, just try... it ain't that difficult.)

See ya' next Wednesday!

Kristi

Oh, and by the way, I have decided not to move to wordpress, so you can stay comfortable here, cuz I will be staying here for a while! =)

Peace!

Being God's Valentine

Instead of getting down in the singleness-dumps this year, I wanted to post something for all you lovely single women out there. (Guys, it's okay; you can read on at your own risk!) For those of you who are celebrating Valentine's with that special someone this year, I will have something sappy for you a little later on!

I was reading Psalm 90 last night. Verse 17 just about jumped off of the page at me:

"And let the beauty of the LORD our God be upon us..."

I'm sure you have all been told a hundred times, "It's the inward beauty and not the outward beauty that really matters." How true this is. But how we still long to be beautiful on the outside as well, right girls?

You know what makes us beautiful to God? The more we resemble Him, the more beautiful we are. That's how we get the beauty of the LORD upon us, is by being conformed to His image. This beauty, yes, is definitely inward beauty, but I believe with all my heart that it can be seen and will be seen on the outside as well.

So, how do we become this beautiful woman of God? How can we be a valentine that God delights in? I believe God gives us a clue in Proverbs 31. Each verse gives us a characteristic of the virtuous (morally excellent) woman:

Verse 10--She is VALUABLE. "Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.

Verse 11--She is DEPENDABLE. "The heart of her husband does safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil."

Verse 12--She is LOYAL. "She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life."

Verse13--She is DILIGENT. "She seeks wool, and flax and works willingly with her hands."

Verse 14--She is SELECTIVE. "She is like the merchants' ships; she brings her food from afar."

Verse 15--She is DISCIPLINED. "She rises also while it is yet night, and gives meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens."

Verse 16--She is HARD-WORKING. "She considers a field and buys it: with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard."

Verse 17--She is DETERMINED. "She girds her loins with strength and stengthens her arms."

Verse 18--She is STEDFAST. "She perceives that ehr merchandise is good; her candle goes not out by night."

Verse 19--She is DEXTEROUS. (meaning deft, or skillful with the hands; having a sure and confident touch.) "She lays her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff."

Verse 20--She is COMPASSIONATE. "She stretches out her hand to the poor; yes, she reaches forth her hands to the needy."

Verse 21--She is CONFIDENT. "She is not afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household are clothed in scarlet."

Verse 22--She is MODEST and FASHIONABLE. "She makes herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing is silk and purple."

Verse 23--She is SUBMISSIVE. "Her husband is known in the gates, when he sits among the elders of the lands."

Verse 24--She BUSINESS-MINDED. "She makes fine linen and sells it; and delivers girdles unto the merchant."

Verse 25--She is MATURE. "Strength and honor are her clothing: and she shall rejoice in time to come."

Verse 26--She is PATIENT. "She opens her mouth with wisdom, and in her tongue is the law of kindness."

Verse 27--She is ORGANIZED. "She looks well to the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness."

Verse 28--She is BLESSED. "Her children rise up and call her blessed, her husband also, and he praises her."

Verse 29--She is RECOGNIZED BY GOD. "Many daughters have done virtuously, but you excel them all."

Verse 30--She is PRACTICAL. "Favor is deceitful, and beauty is vain; but a woman who fears the LORD, she shall be praised."

Verse 31--She is GENUINE. "Give her of the fruit of her hands, and let her own works praise he in the gates."

Wow. What a challenge this woman is. She is quite a treasure to yes, her family, but most importantly to God. God delights in her. Let's strive to be that woman that God delights in. Let's be HIS valentine.

"Come back to Texas..."

You guys know that song,

"Come back to Texas
It's just not the same
Since you went away
Before you lose your accent
And forget all aboutThe Lonestar state
There's a seat for you at the rodeo
And i've got every slow dance saved
Besides the Mexican food sucks
North of here anyway.
....

Come back to Texas
It's just not the same
Since you went away
I bet you missed your exit
And drove right on through the Lonestar state
There's a seat for you at the rodeo
And i've got every slow dance saved
Besides the Mexican food sucks north of here anyway

Troy Aikmen wants you back
Willie Nelson wants you back
NASA wants you back
And the Bush twins want you back
And Pantera wants you back
And Bluebell wants you back

I got a premonition
I'm taking a petition
And the whole states gonna sign

Come back to Texas...."




(I've been wondering why they didn't say anything about Dr. Pepper in the song; that mystery shall always plague my brain.)

Anyways, I can't ignore it any longer. I'm going back to Texas. But just for a week!

I'm excited. I get to see my cousin in Houston, my Aunt and Uncle in Junction on a huge exotic animal ranch, another Aunt, Uncle, and cousin in San Antonio, a really good friend from college in San Antonio, and my great-grandmother.

I can't wait for the taste of REAL Mexican food once again. Mmm, Mmm good!

Plus, my good friend just had her second baby today! And she's got a 3 year old little girl. So I get to go spoil the babies! Don't worry, I'll take tons of pictures!

I'm leaving Tuesday (probably--I'm doing the whole "buddy pass" thing, so ya' never know!) and I'll be back the following Tuesday. So, ya' haven't gotten rid of me quite yet, but almost!

Have a great weekend!

A Little Sum'um Sum'um

In case anyone was curious, just wanted to put it out there, that it's NOT all gravy and glam working at the state capital.

There's this little thing called traffic that tends to get in the way every once in a while, even when the commute in is only 14.8 miles.

I spent 2 hours this morning on JUST 7 of those 14.8 miles. Ridiculous.

Anyhow, I'm one who tends to get bored when I stay in the same place for too long. So with that being said,

I'm moving!!!!!


Well, not physically, (yet), but my blog is moving. I'm bored with this template, so I'm going to try out a wordpress, at Adam's urging.

It's not ready yet, but just wanted to let you all know that it's coming. I've got to figure out how to get my coffee cups over there, because I'm really gonna miss those. I love 'em.

I'll keep you posted on the progress. For now, you can check it out here, but don't get too used to that link, because the URL is probably going to change again before all this is said and done.

Have a great day.

Catch ya' on the flip side! I'm out!

One Too Many

"That's it. I've had it! You've crossed the line; you've messed up one too many times. Now pack your bags and get out. You're no longer welcome in this family."

How many times have these words been spoken by frustrated, disappointed parents to teenagers or young adults who for some reason have not learned to make wise, responsible decisions. Perhaps the wrong choices come as the result of lack of display of love from the parents; perhaps there were no moral or Biblical principles of right and wrong instilled in this child. Perhaps he just developed defiance because he didn't know the right way to handle hurts in life. Who knows? But now, he is forced to face a severe consequence for his actions--his parents have had enough. They refuse to forgive him any longer and help him out of the mess he has created.

Think about your own spiritual life. How many times out of immaturity, or defiance, or unbelief, have we made poor spiritual choices? How many times have we denied our Savior, or told Him one thing, and did another? Have we been fake in our service to Him? Have we quit and given up on the Christian life, doubting His promises to us, only to come back to Him over and over and ask for forgivenss and a fresh start?

Sounds like we (well, if you are like me at all) many times imitate the patterns of the children of Israel.

Psalm 78 gives a beautiful, yet sad description of the history of the children of Israel and their relationship to their God. It outlines the many things that God did for them, and the continual disappointing response of His people. They provoked Him further; they tempted Him in their hearts; they complained against Him; they did not trust Him. But what did God do? He continued to show His great and mighty power, love, forgiveness, and faithfulness to this ungrateful people.

Verses 33-39:
"Nevertheless they did flatter Him with their mouth, and they lied unot Him with their tongues. For their heart was not right with Him, niether were they stedfast in His covenant. But he, being full of compassion, forgave their iniquity, and destroyed them not: yea, many a time, turned He His anger away, and did not stir up all His wrath. For He remembered that they were but flesh; a wind that passes away and comes not again."

Wow. What a God we have. This is the same God we serve today. He understands us, but He doesn't excuse us. He knows our weaknesses, yet commands us to rely on His strength. He is long-suffering and forgiving, but punishes our sin. He IS truth and just, yet He grants mercy. He is the perfect Father. He is love, and gives love, and teaches love, and demonstrates love, and commands love, and wants love.

Sometimes, these characteristics demand that God take strong disciplinary measures in order to show His love for His kids. God had to send His people, the children of Israel, into captivity, and long periods of war to get them to look to Him and trust Him. Yet even in all this, God did not forsake them. He did not turn His back on them. How do I know? Well, at the very end of Psalm 78, after God had sent them into captivity, is a verse that shows me God was still involved with His people. He was looking for hearts that were seeking Him and wanting to please Him. Verses 70-72 say that God chose David from the sheepfolds, to feed His people Israel, according to the integrity that was in his heart.

Do you feel like you have you made "one mistake too many"? Do you doubt whether God can use you with all your past failures? Do you sometimes feel as though God has sent you out into captivity and war, and has left you indefinitely to suffer the consequences for your sin? You know, God does not forsake His kids. He is looking to see if your heart is seeking Him. God can choose you out of a multitude of others who are going the wrong way, just as He chose David. It's up to you to trust Him. Trust Him to be the perfect Father.

I'll be back around soon. Work is just uuggghhh!

Go Steelers!

Okay, last time I said this statement I'm about to say, it didn't work out so well. But I'm going to dare it one more time:










Are you ready fo' dis??????















Bring It, Seahawks!!!!!

The Darkness

Questions fill my head these days.
I doubt the directions of my own ways.
It's not that I'm asking "Why?";
I don't sit around and cry.
No, it's this spider web of confusion
That has caused such disillusion
Of entanglement in my senseless thoughts.
I'm left focusing on fragments and dots
While the complete picture
Fades

into the

darkness.

Darkness that comes from unmet hopes

As my disappointed heart still gropes

For answers to what is going on;

What picture is being drawn

On the canvas of my life?

I constantly go through such strife

Within, just hoping to understand

Where I'm meant to lend a helping hand.

Or has that ideal become mere fantasy

Swallowed

by the

darkness?

I've remained still for quite some time,

Listening for answers Divine

Of where I am so grossly failing.

It seems as though I am trailing

So far behind the rest.

When comes the end of this test?

Others' joy has been my pain;

Their sunshine is my rain.

So my heart closes and hides

Away

in the

darkness.

Yet the darkness brings no comfort sweet;

It's merely a temporary retreat

For a heart so full of tears.

There's no solution in hiding for years.

Confusion is dispelled and answers found

Only when Light and Love abound.

Some hurts are needed to really appreciate love.

So I'll take the risk with help from above.

And hear my answers with a step

Out

of the

darkness.

Story Time

Let me share a little story with you...

I went back to the gym last night, and wanted to speak with a manager about what had happened a few nights ago.

So the little Miss fake-tanned, "I-think-I'm-all-that-because-I-work-at-the-gym-and-guys-hit-on-me-all-day" girl at the front desk calls the manager over for me. He decides he wants to just stand right there where everyone can hear the conversation while I speak my peace.

Okay, fine. I can work with that.

So, in my most "I'm not angry; I just want to voice a concern for the benefit of ALL of the Gold's Gym members" voice, I started my speech.

"Hi, I'm the one who had my car broken into a few nights ago out in the parking lot."

"Uh-huh."

"Well, I just wanted to say that IF you all hadn't already considered it, it may be a good idea to put some lights out in the back part of the parking lot, as well as... (I was going to say "security cameras", but I was rudely cut off by Miss fake tan, "I-work-at-the-gym" girl.

Suddenly, one of the MANY signs cluttering the front desk is shoved in my face. Miss Fake-Tan proceeded, snarlingly,

"Here. Read THIS!"

Ummm.... EXCUSE ME??? I have some major problems with this.

First of all, little Miss fake tan, "I-work-at-the-gym-and-guys-hit-on-me" girl, I was NOT talking to YOU!

Secondly, even if I was talking to you, that is no way to treat a cumstomer.

Thirdly, who comes in here and reads every single one of your tacky signs, when all they want to do is give one, simple suggestion to the manager and go on with their workout?

NOW, bug off!

The sign said something about "Here are some things that we are planning to do in the future because of our increased membership..... "

And way down at the bottom of the list was "put lights in the back parking lot."

Well, okay. Fine. So the problem was already being addressed, but I can think of hundreds of NICER ways to tell someone that. Can't you?

And on top of it all, Mr. Professional Manager just says,

"Okay." That was IT! No "I'm sorry for what happened to you." or "Thanks for bringing that to our attention." or anything of the sort. Just, "Okay."

Is it unreasonable to be a little irritated at this kind of customer service? I mean, c'mon. Apparentlly they don't want my business too much.

So, I emailed the "Top Dawg" of Gold's Gyms. Maybe I can get a few months free or something. I love how that works. Emailing complaints is one of the best things ever invented. I have gotten so much free stuff that way. People respond so much nicer to an email than face to face. And I can keep my cool a lot better as well!!

*******************************************

Update: This is SO funny! As soon as I finished posting this, my phone rang. It was the head guy that got my email. He was apologizing all over himself, and said he was personally coming to my gym tonight to meet me, and make sure the situation was properly taken care of!! I told you the email thing does wonders!

Cough It Up!

This has been me for the past two days. Totally coughing up my lungs! I can't stop. It just goes on and on and on... Well, anyways. Now aren't you a much better, more-informed person for visiting here today? =)

I wish it had just been April Fool's

But, no. It's always something.

So, it really could get worse yesterday, AND IT DID!

I must have a sign on my back and my forehead that invites bad luck and trouble.

Last night, I was once again standing beside my vehicle, calling 911, calling the local police, calling my insurance agent (who, by the way is probably on the verge of discontinuing my policy!), etc, etc.

I know what you are thinking. And NO, I was not in another wreck!

Last night, while at the gym working so hard in my BodyPump class, outside in the parking lot some no-good, theivin rascals broke my passenger side window and stole my purse from underneath the seat. No, it was not just left in the seat, it was not merely sitting on the floorboards; it was shoved under the seat. And it was dark out.

The guys must have seen me get out of my Jeep without a purse and decided to strike.

So, anyways, they got my un-insured $300 dollar phone, Eight (8) credit cards (no, I don't use them all; I have them for emergencies. I have really good credit and keep them all paid up!), my checkbook, the title to my Jeep, my Social Security Card (uh-oh), several other cards, body spray (oh my goodness!) and Bible tracts! (ha ha. hope they read that, get convicted and return my stuff!)

Now, I must get my window replaced, but I have no way of paying them. The bank will not let me get any more than $25 without identity. The DMV.... well, I don't even want to go there! The insurance company needs a police report. The police are waiting around until later to type it up, because it is so hard to type in a few numbers and eat doughnuts at the same time. (sorry... had to!)

Basically, I'm stuck.

And, on top of all this, my proverbial gas light is on! Now what?

Well, I must go work on figuring some stuff out. I'll keep you posted. Don't even get me going on what a pain it was to cancel my credit cards. Give me a real person, and make it someone who can stinking speak English for crying out loud. GRRRR.

I'm okay. I promise. Just had to release some tension.

_________________________________
Oh yeah... One other thing... Last night I read Psalm 69. Verse 4 says, "I restored that which I took not away." How appropriate, huh?

Happy Monday.

I had this whole long post ready, but then I changed my opinion about the subject after I read everything I typed, so that idea was trashed!

So, instead, here are ten good reasons you can be glad you are there and I am here!

1. I am grumpy in the mornings!
2. I probably won't usually speak until after lunch today.
3. My throat hurts.
4. I did not get a good parking spot today.
5. No O.J. or coffee this morning.
6. I'm tired.
7. Everybody seems to be talking about marriage. Frankly, I'm sick of hearing it.
8. It's Monday.
9. I ate too much junk over the weekend, and I'm gonna feel it when I work out tonight.
10. I have to do laundry before I can go work out.

Okay, that's a bit depressing. Let's look on the brighter side of each of these, shall we?

1. At least I woke up this morning.
2. I am able to speak, and will have plenty of people to speak to later on today.
3. I don't have a horrible disease.
4. I did get a parking spot today.
5. I did have an apple strudle pop-tart this morning.
6. I don't have a physically-exerting job.
7. Hopefully, some people are developing stronger marriages.
8. Tomorrow will be Tuesday.
9. At least I have a great gym to go workout in.
10. I have clothes to wash.

So, still not the most encouraging list, but at least I'm trying. You should probably still be glad you are there and I am here. It only gets better from here!

When Innocence Meets Reality

Many things occur on a daily basis on the state house lawn. With my office window overlooking the lawn, I am quite often the inconspicuous observer of many of these happenings. Protests, speeches, special presentations, live broadcasts, you name it. Each morning, the inmates from Department of Corrections come over and take care of our lawn. As I walk by each morning, they are very polite, stop what they are doing, smile, and wish me a good morning. The other group of regulars to the lawn are school children. Each school day, at least two or three different classes will be on a field trip to the state house, and enjoy a picnic lunch on the lawn. Most of the time, the inmates have done their job and cleared out before the kids come. But yesterday was not so. I watched out my window as a young, happy, innocent group of 5 or 6 year old kids walked by a melancholy, quiet group of inmates. The kids just all kind of stopped and stared. I wonder what they were thinking. I wonder what the inmates were thinking. Those kids just came face to face with the truth that not all is good and well in this world. This got me to thinking a step further....


And thinking...


And I'm still thinking...


Do you remember the first time your young innocent mind realized that life is not "all good"? Do you remember the first time your eyes witnessed a horrible injustice and nothing was done about it? Do you remember seeing for the first time that people really are cruel and life is not fair? That complete, open, and unashamed immorality is flaunted everywhere? That filthy talking is respected as an art?

How did it make you feel? Let down? Disillusioned? Alone and helpless in a dog-eat-dog world? Perhaps defeated as nothing and no one seemed to be fighting for the cause of justice?

How is one to learn to trust in a world like this? As a young child, before our innocence was corrupted with these stark realities of life, it was easy to trust. I suppose that is why Jesus said over and over that we must have the faith of a child in order to enter the kingdom of God.

The Bible has a lot to say about trust. We are warned not even to trust our own hearts, as they are deceitful above all things and desparately wicked. (Jeremiah 17:9). Our own feelings and desires will deceive us.

Proverbs 26:23-25 warns us of trusting the superficial, deceitful man: "Fervent lips with a wicked heart are like earthenware covered with silver dross. He who hates disguises it with his lips and lays up deceit within himself. When he speaks kindly, do not believe him, for there are seven abominations in his heart."

Contrast this with Proverbs 10:20 and Proverbs 25:11: "The tongue of the righteous is choice silver." "A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in pictures of silver."

Each of these passages likens the words we speak with silver. With the deceitful man, it is just silver dross. It is an outward coating, but there is no substance. It is cheap, and it is fake. It has no real value.

However, the righteous man's words are "choice silver." His words are genuine. They have great value.

So, how do we know the difference? We cannot see the heart. Only God can. So how do we know who to trust and who not to?

Well, how do we find the true worth of silver? Proverbs 17:3 says, "The refining pot for silver and the furnace for gold..." We have to see how it responds to heat. It must go through the fire. The true nature of the silver will be obvious after it encounters the heat. If it is just dross, an outward coating, it will shrivel up, become ugly and disfigured, the impurities will be all that is left, and it will smell like it has been through fire!

However, real silver will be purified by fire. It will come through the heat a better, finer, shinier piece of metal.

This is the same way we can determine if people are genuine or not. Are you struggling with whether to trust someone or not? Well, sit back for a while and watch them go through some trials. Watch what kind of effect the heat has in their life. Does it leave a disfigured life with a bad odor, or does it make the person better and finer?

And it doesn't have to be a HUGE trial to be able to determine this. Small things are often a good indicator as well.

When innocence meets reality, and we are confronted with the decision to trust or not to trust, the "heat test" is a good thing to keep in mind.

One more thought, if someone else were to put YOU through the "heat test", how would you come out?

Thursday Thirteen

Thirteen Things about Kristi

I totally borrowed this from another blog. (I don't remember right now whose it was.) I'm going to tell you 13 things about me that I don't think I've told you on my blog before. I think that's the point of this.... duh! Thanks, Captain Obvious. Anyways, here goes:


1. I hate potatoes.
2. I am 5'8".
3. I've never been out of the country. (This country's not stupid... they know to keep a good thing when they see it)
4. I have lots of freckles... and then lots more freckles.... and still more freckles.
5. I've got 2 great-grandmother's that are still alive.
6. I love Goofy and Goofy stuff.
7. My birthday is always the longest day of the year. (summer equinox)
8. I was born the exact same day as Prince William.
9. I love the Black Raspberry Vanilla scent from Bath and Body Works.
10. I was expelled from college once.
11. My middle name is Renee.
12. I've been pulled over 6 or 7 times, and only got 1 ticket.
13. I am a very safe and cautious driver! =)~ What? You think this is a joke? Puh-lease!

There ya' go. I think down here, I'm supposed to tell you where the code is and how to link up with other blogs that do the "Thursday Thirteen" thing, but I lost the code, and don't know where to find it and I don't remember how to find the other blogs that do it. Now I'll probably get all kinds of hate mail for being a "bad Thursday Thirteen-ist". Oh well.

Silly Me!

"And the stupid award of the month goes to...


ME!"

Guess what I did now. . .


Okay, last night, I get out of my (I keep wanting to say "car" here, but that's not true anymore) Jeep, and I headed up to my front door. My only slight saving grace is the fact that I was on the phone, so I WAS somewhat distracted!

So, my front door was locked, and naturally I reached for my keys.

This is where it gets STUPID. I stood on my front porch, relentlessly mashing the "unlock" button on my remote for my car doors. (Oops. Jeep doors.) I'm drinking my coffee, talking on the phone, and thinking, "Now why isn't the stupid door unlocking?" Ha ha.

Yeah! Way to go, Kristi. Way to be an idiot. I wish you could have seen my face when I finally realized what I was doing!

So why am I sharing this with you? Don't really know. I just thought you might enjoy a laugh at my expense. Now it's my turn to enjoy a laugh.

Share your stupidest moment with me. I can't wait.

When God Writes Your Love Story

This book by Eric and Leslie Ludy has been around for a few years now, but I'm just finally getting around to reading it. What I've read so far has already been a huge blessing. If you are single, or if you have older teenagers or "young adults", you would be doing yourself a favor to read it and have them read it.

Here's a few excerpts from the introduction written by Leslie:

“How many years had I longed and urgently searched for true love? How many nights had I lain awake, dreaming of a beautiful romance—a lasting relationship
that wouldn’t end in heartache?

"I had made incredible sacrifices in an attempt to somehow cling to every short-lived dating relationship that came my way. I had given pieces of myself away to each man that came into my life—pieces of my heart, my emotions, and even my body. Yet once he had tired of me, my fragile heart would be played with and then carelessly tossed aside. Even if I was the one who ended a relationship, the heartbreaking pain was inevitable. Every time it felt like something precious was being violently ripped from inside of me.

"I yearned to be loved andcherished. I had dreamed of a perfect love story for my entire life. But somewhere in the midst of the endless cycle of one temporary romance after the next, my dreams had shattered right along with the broken and fragmented pieces of my heart.”…

“’God, where are You in this?’ my heart cried. ‘I am Your child. All my life, You know I have longed for something beautiful. I have searched for true love. Does a pure and perfect romance even exist in this dark world of lust and perversion and sin? Should I even dare to dream of something beyond the shallow, meaningless, cheap version of love I’ve known so far?’”

Does any of that sound familiar?

And here's some from Eric's perspective:

“Yes, I also know what it is like to be lonely. Really lonely! In fact, I understand the toxic mix of loneliness and sexual longing that creates the sensation of your heart being toasted like a s’more-destined marshmallow over a roaring campfire.

“I know what it’s like to want someone to hold, someone to gently lean upon me, someone to care about my needs in, you know, a romantic sort of way! I know what it’s like to desire someone with whom I could share my wild life, my passionate love, and my intimate embrace. I know what it’s like to long for the ‘beautiful side of love.’”

Read the book to find out how Eric and Leslie faced the questions and struggles, and how God showed them and gave them a beautiful love story.

Okay, that was sappy. I'm about to make myself sick.

Seriously though, check it out. And visit their website here. They've also got a few CD's out with some really good music. I put the link to the book from Barnes and Noble on my sidebar.

Okay, that's enough of that!

"Even God Himself couln't..."

When I hear these words, I know, I just know someone's in for trouble.

Isn't that what the captain or somebody with the Titantic said? "Even God Himself couldn't sink this ship."? And we all know what happened there.

Well, one of our lovely, high-esteemed ESPN reporters yesterday was bold and brash enough to say of the Panther's WR, Stephen Smith, "Not even God Himself could cover Smith."

Now WHY, please tell me WHY he would go and just declare automatic doom on my team. I mean, come on. That's just asking for and sealing the defeat right there.

Does he really believe God CAN'T? Well, if he did, I believe God was involved in the turnout of a little football game last night.

I don't understand how someone could just spout off a statement like that without thinking. Well, on second thought, yes I can. The unregenerate mind is an ugly thing. But c'mon. Why the Panthers? Couldn't he have said it about Alexander or someone else?

No wonder we couldn't get our game face on last night. And that's all I have to say about that.

If you can just make it through today...

...things can only get better. Because, according to a study from Cardiff University, January 23 is the most depressing day of 2006. Many factors figure in to this conclusion, and the wonderful psychologist forgot a few, so I was kind enough to add them in for him. Why is this day so depressing?

1. It's a Monday.
2. The weather.
3. Accumulated debt from Christmas
4. Lasting results of overindulgence during the holidays.
5. Failure to keep New Year's resolutions.
6. Length of time since Christmas.
7. Lack of motivation.
8. Tax-time looming ahead.
9. Valentine's Day coming up. (This day is actually depressing for MORE people than it is exciting for!)
10. SUPER BOWL SUNDAY WITHOUT THE PANTHERS!

So, if you can make it through today without banging your head against the wall too many times, than you'll make it!! It can only get better from here. Try to focus on your blessings.

Birthday Shoutout

Sometimes, I do some crazy things. (I know that's really hard to believe... Go ahead and pick your lower jaw up from off the floor, because it's true.) Anyways, you're about to experience one of them. It's my friend's birthday tomorrow, so I'm just gonna bust some rhymes, and see how it goes...

Happy Birthday, Mr. Romance!

Get up, get ready, get into your pants.

Quit walkin' 'round like you're in a trance;

It's your day; your time to dance.

Don't give me those "what if's" and "cant's".

I know you can; so take your stance.

Everyone is waiting. They're starting to prance.

The girls are all giving a second glance.

No, I won't stop speaking my crazy rants!

We're all ready to give out Jacksons and Grants.

We're your friends now, quit lookin like we're tyrants.

So go ahead, get on the floor, Mr. Romance.

Let's get this place moving about like ants.

Come on, show us your flowing brilliance.

Get to the microphone; it's your time to freelance.

Stop; don't worry how we're gonna finance!

Just break through; oh, easy, watch your balance.

That's it; that's right. Take your stance.

Here he is, eh-ree-body---Mr. Romance!

Let's all give a big birthday shoutout to Lance.

Ha ha. Yep. Crazy. I told you.

Oh, and P.S. Root for the Panthers on Sunday! We can take those Seahawks. Bring it.

A Salute to the English Language

Interesting email I received. Gotta love the English language!

Can you read these right the first time?

1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
2) The farm was used to produce produce.
3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present .
8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10) I did not object to the object.
11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row .
13) They were too close to the door to close it.
14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
18) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
19) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
20) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all That is why, when the stars are out, they are visib le, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

PS. - Why doesn't "Buick" rhyme with "quick"?

You lovers of the English language might enjoy this .

There is a two-letter word that perhaps has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that is "UP." It's easy to understand UP, meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP ? At a meeting, why does a topic come UP? Why do we speak UP and why are the officers UP for election and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report ? We call UP our friends. And we use it to brighten UP a room, polish UP the silver, we warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen. We lock UP the house and some guys fix UP the old car.

At other times the little word has real special meaning. People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP excuses. To be dressed is one thing but to be dressed UP is special. And this UP is confusing: A drain must be opened UP because it is stopped UP . We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at night. We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP!

To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP, look UP the word UP in the dictionary. In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4th of the page and can add UP to about thirty definitions. If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways UP is used. It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don't give UP , you may wind UP with a hundred or more.

When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP. When the sun comes out we say it is clearing UP . When it rains, it wets the earth and often messes things UP. When it doesn't rain for awhile, things dry UP . One could go on and on, but I'll wrap it UP , for now my time is UP, so........... Time to shut UP.....!

Oh...one more thing: What is the first thing you do in the morning &the last thing you do at
night? U-P

Great...

I've been tagged... Enjoy all these boring aspects of my life while you consider what the verse on the post below means. I still need more thoughts on that one.

2 names you go by: Kristi, Sha-nay-nay.
2 parts of your heritage: Texan and Irish
2 things that scare you: weird noises in the dark, gettin old.
2 of your everyday essentials: Clothes and food
2 things you want in a relationship: honesty and respect
2 of your favorite hobbies: playing sports, going to the gym
2 things you want really badly: to become President. to own a $100,000. car (Hey, dream big, right?)
2 places you want to go on vacation: Italy and Greece
2 things you want to do before you die: go bungy jumping; get married
2 ways that you are stereotypically a dude or chick: I think it's gross to burp or "have flatulence" in public; I'm emotional
2 things you are thinking about now: How much longer until I leave work? What am I going to wear tonight?
2 stores you shop at: Banana Republic, GAP
2 personality quirks: I put up a tough front, but I'm really a pushover; I can't stand "drama".
2 favorite items in the house: Refrigerator and Microwave
2 stores i wish we had: Aeropostale and Charlotte Russe.
2 things that make me cry: Seeing a grown man cry; Feeling helpless when a friend is hurting
2 things i wish I could do different: Family relationships; Other relationships
2 things I do very badly: stay away from car wrecks; keep my room clean and organized
2 favorite superheroes: My Uncle Jimmy and.... well, everyone else pales in comparison. sorry.
2 hidden talents: I need all the talents I've got. If I have some, then trust me, I use them, I don't hide them!

Penny for your thoughts...

I am asking for your opinion on yet one more thing. Psalm 33:15a says, "He fashions their hearts alike..." In the context, God is looking down from heaven upon all the people of the earth. And then it says, He fashions all their hearts alike. What does this mean? I have an idea, but I'd like to know your thoughts before I throw something out there. It doesn't have to be anything deep and theological, but it can be. Just let me know what you think when you read that verse.

I am SOOOO in love!

Okay, all of you guys out there who just read that title and felt your heart drop to your knees, because, alas, one of the last cool, single, Christian girls just bit the dust (okay, so maybe not...but let me flatter myself anyways), go ahead and relax. Breathe. It will be okay. I'm in love with my new gym. Ha ha. Gotcha.

I finally got to go check out my new gym last night. This place is completely amazing! I don't even know how to start describing it, so here's what the Gold's Gym website had to say. I don't think it does it justice, though!

OPENING JANUARY 14TH 2006 AT 8AM-Gold’s Gym's Columbiana Point! Our new, state-of-the-art fitness facility near Columbiana Centre in northwest Columbia! Gold's Gym has retained several of the top designers and architects of fitness centers in the U.S. to ensure that the Columbiana location will provide an exciting and comfortable environment for our members. The new gym will be one of the largest in the state with 45,000 square feet of the finest in fitness equipment and amenities.

A new larger Kids Care area will be open and available for all members. The Kids Care center is a revolutionary idea with games and activities for the young ones to enjoy and learn while you work out.

Want to watch your favorite movie while working out? The new Cardio Cinema will allow you to run, bike, or perform other cardio activities in a movie theatre setting. A schedule will also display when particular movies are playing so to choose what to watch while working out.

A dedicated RPM/Spin room is planned. This room will house 30 bikes dedicated to cycling use and classes. The room will also house over 20 fans to keep you cool while you cycle away. Also included will be two group exercise rooms. The first, larger room will be utilized for classes such as BodyPump, BodyStep, and BodyCombat. The second room will be a smaller more relaxed environment to serve as a classroom for Yoga and Pilates. The room’s ambiance will reflect with a relaxing look and feel.

The first level will provide private access to a Women’s onlyfacility. This unique area will blend both cardio and strengthening equipment and discrete access for Women wishing to workout.

A private physical training area will also house cardio and strength building equipment as well. This private state of the art area will be private for those seeking real results through one of our many expert personal trainers. The PT area will also feature equipment from ‘The Core’ and we will be the only gym in the area to provide this service.

The gym will also feature a café. The café will proudly serve Starbucks coffee and many of your Starbuck’s favorite drinks. Healthy protein shakes will be available for
purchase for the workout buff. Signature sandwiches of a unique variety will delight the senses and other bakery items such as bagels, muffins, etc. will be available as a light refreshing snack.

Other features will include a light-filled mezzanine level for cardiovascular equipment, an indoor/outdoor pool with a retractable roof and whirlpool, a racquetball court, a basketball court, in addition to an expansive area for resistance and free weight equipment. The front desk and retail shop will provide a pleasant
environment for relaxing after a workout or indulging in your favorite post-workout snack.

Sounds pretty cool, huh? I think I'll just move my bed in!

"I have a dream..."

Just thought that would be an appropriate title for Martin Luther King, Jr. Day, even though that's not what I want to talk about. But, since I'm a state employee, I get this wonderful day off. Let the jealousy begin! Ha. ha.

Ever since the message in church last night, I have been in a deep pensive mood. I have been reminded of two different concepts from the Bible, and the repercussions of these concepts are conflicting in my head, and I am working oh so hard to reconcile the differences. I think I'm being way too analytical once again. But please share your wisdom with me.

Statement A: God's principles, as laid out in the Bible, cannot be broken.

Statement B: We have the ability to choose whether we obey God's commands or not.

Principle 1: "Be not deceived. God is not mocked. Whatsoever a man sows, that shall he also reap." Galatians 6:7

Command 1: "Honor thy father and thy mother." Ephesians 6:2

Principle 2: Generational sin--the sin of the fathers and mothers is passed down to the third and fourth generation.

Command 2: "Wherefore, putting away lying, let every man speak truth with his neighbor." Ephesians 4:25

Okay, with the above facts, I will build two scenarios. First, say we have a parent who has sown seeds of wrong, fleshily attitudes in his relationship with his children. As these children come of age, this parent begins reaping what he has sown (Principle 1). The children either imitate his attitudes and have total disregard for him, or with some Biblical training, the children try hard not to be like him at all, but still have wrong attitudes toward him and no respect for him. He is reaping what he sowed.

But, are not these children responsible for their own actions? God commands them to honor their parents (Command 1). So, how can God use their sin as a consequence for the parent's sin, and at the same time command them to have the opposite attitudes? Shouldn't the children choose to honor and respect their parent even though he doesn't necessarily deserve it? Yes. Right? Well then, the parent would no longer be reaping what he sowed (wrong, fleshly attitudes), and we have a broken principle. I think I am missing something. Help me out.

Okay, scenario 2. We have a parent who is a habitual liar. Just lies about everything. The child naturally picks up this sinful habit. But this child learns from the Bible that lying is wrong. (Command 2). So, he does his best to break the habit, and with the power of the Holy Spirit overcomes this great sin. The child grows up and has children. Now what?

With Principle 2, the sin of the parents is passed down to the third and fourth generation. What does this mean? That it takes about 4 generations to break a habit of sin? Or, that even if it is broken in generation 2, that generations 3 and 4 will still struggle with the same thing? I mean, I know we all struggle with sin, but obviously some sins are more of a struggle for some than others. We have the commands from God. We choose whether we obey them or not. But, we are automatically going to have a harder time with certain commands because of sins from generations ago? I don't know. I'm just kind of thinking as I go, and that's pretty dangerous!

Feel free to shed the light of your understanding on this.

Warning: Boring post ahead!

I'm excited about the football playoff games this weekend. Sunday at 4:30, Carolina takes on Chicago. Let's go, Panthers!

But before that, Saturday night, I think I will go see the Columbia Inferno hockey game. Haven't been to one of those all season, and I miss it. Hockey games are a lot of fun. Let's go Inferno!

But before that, tonight, I am going to............ I have no idea! Maybe I'll get caught up on my sleep after all this craziness of staying up until 3 in the morning a few days this week. My new gym opens tomorrow. It is totally SUH-WEET. I will tell you all about it later.

Yeah, sorry to disappoint, but I have nothing "inspirational" to share with you today. Lots of things going through my head, but nothing ready to put out there yet. Just my boriing ole' life today. Ha ha ha. What are you doing this weekend?

I was trying not to complain, BUT. . .

I can't hold it in any longer!!! Why are the gas prices steadily increasing, and nobody is questioning or saying anything this time around? Have we just become accustomed to it? Do we just accept it because we don't care any more? Or was it just the only thing people had to complain about three or four months ago?

Well, anyways. There. I said something about it. So now we can all move on with our lives! =)

Interesting Stuff

Thank goodness for the person who thought of that little "recover post" link. That was a God-send today! I had this all typed out, then my computer crashed. But the "recover post" saved some... I only had to retype half!

This is my 100th post, by the way... Yea!

Okay, anyways... people have been telling me that since my car accident, I have had a personality change. Now, I don't know if it's true or not. BUT, I was looking through some old files today, and came across this "personality analysis" I had saved. Now, I don't put much faith or seriousness into all these personality tests and all, but this particular one was pretty thorough and I thought the outcome was pretty much right on the money for me at that point in time. Here's what it said:

You are the sort of person that needs a peaceful environment. You seek release from stress and freedom from conflicts and disagreements, of which you seem to have had more than your fair share. But you are taking pains to control the situation by proceeding cautiously and you are right in doing so as you are a very sensitive person.

Whichever way you turn you feel that you are being utterly thwarted. There is considerable conflict in the air but you will stick to your beliefs and not be deterred in endeavouring to attain your objectives.

You honestly believe that your hopes and ideas are realistic, but there seems to be no one around to give you the necessary reassurance and encouragement. You are egocentric. You believe that you are always 'right' -well maybe you are but you have a short fuse and are likely to take offense for the slightest reason. You are holding back. You need to find friends in whom you can trust and once they have proved themselves beyond all possible doubt you will be prepared to give them your all. The existing situation is not of your liking - you have an unsatisfied need for mental stimulation with others whose standards are as high as your own.

Trying to control your instincts the way you do restricts your ability to open up to others and the way you feel at this time is suggestive of 'total surrender'. This is not to your liking as you consider such thoughts as weaknesses that need to be overcome. You feel that only by control, controlling your innermost thoughts, are you able to maintain your air of superiority. You want to be admired for yourself alone and not for what you can do or for what you may have done. In essence 'you need to be needed' and at the same time 'you need to need'.

Yeah, that "you need to be needed and at the same time you need to need" really struck me. That is definitely me....or WAS me.... I don't know anymore!

So, I took the test again today, and the one thing I was afraid of was definitely on there. Here it is:

You are trying to prove to others that nothing can really affect you. You are pretending to be stoical - indifferent to pain or pleasure and indeed even superior to any form of weakness. As a result, more often than not, you unfortunately act with undue harshness or severity by adopting an autocratic and self-willed attitude.

Being a likeable person you get on well with neighbors and friends. You don't need anything to 'Rock your boat'. You want to 'love' and to be loved'. You are prepared to establish a particular relationship that is being made available to you at this time. It could be a satisfactory liaison but there could be a certain amount of conflict involved -try to avoid direct confrontation at all costs.

For some time now your hopes and expectations have been denied and because of this you are becoming withdrawn and introverted. Continual disappointment has manifested itself in you becoming both suspicious and restrained you have become withdrawn from others and have receded more and more into yourself. You seem to have lost your innate enthusiasm and imaginative nature, for fear that you may be carried away by it only to find that you are wasting your time. You are loath to trust people, as in the past your trust has been misplaced. You seem to be keeping yourself cautiously aloof from others. At this moment in time your attitude is to trust nobody - until they can provethemselves to you.

You are presently worried about your future and you feel that whatever you do will go wrong. At this time you are your own worst enemy. All the disappointment that you have experienced, coupled with the fear that there is no point in formulating fresh goals, have led to anxiety. You would like recognition and a position of trust but you are concerned that these hopes and dreams may not be realised. You are very argumentative and insistent that you are right - maybe you are - but you are pushing too hard. Take it easy, let go, and smile. Smiling and agreeing with people works wonders - try it and see.

Wow. So, yeah, the "responding with undue harshness" part is what people have been telling me about.

I thought it very interesting that in BOTH of them, I am always right!! ha ha. Who would've ever thought?

Well, go try it yourself. Here's the link. Read through the introduction then click the box on the right to take the test.

Raw and Real

I need to preface this poem a bit. This is ME. These are the things that I struggle with. NO, I do not live this defeated on a daily basis. NO, I have not lost my faith in God. But, YES, I am human, and I do need to be honest with myself and everyone else and realize that I can easily fall. I am not immune to sin. Nobody is. So, it's time I stop pretending.

Also, I am trying out a much freer form of poetry than what I usually write in. So let me know what you think about that. Good or Bad.

Raw and Real

By Kristi Reese

“I need to make a confession.”

(I know it’s somewhat cliché,
But it’s what I need to say.)

I can no longer handle the suppression
Of this great misconception.

Some words of mine have not been true.

This faith, the hope, the love, trust and strength
I often write about
Seems so good and wonderful to you.
But please, listen, if you only knew—

It’s not who I am.
It’s who I want to be;
Who I should be;
Who I was raised to be;
Who YOU think I am,
But NOT who I am.

I am a wretched sinner
I’m no winner
In this race of life.
I’ve a heart darker than the night.
Rarely do others see the light
That should shine from within.

Instead, doubt, guilt, hate, jealousy, pride,
Anger, rebellion, disrespect, apathy, and lies
Are the more common fruits of my spirit.
I know you don’t want to hear it.
Who does?
But this is raw and real,
So this is the real deal.

Who am I kidding here?
I talk of living with passion this year.
But do I really want to change?
Yes, I want to change.
But do I change?

No, I’m stuck in my own selfish ways,
Trapped by my insecurities each passing day,
And my lack of faith in my God.

My God.

Who has done so much for me.
Who has given me blessings of greatest degree
And even died in agony to set me free.

Me.

This ungrateful wretch who won’t even appreciate Him enough
To stop thinking about myself long enough
To pass the joy of Christ to others along the way?
This broken and hardened piece of clay
Who lets Him down every day?

Free.

Free from this unnecessary weight of guilt
I choose to carry. From this suppressing bondage
Of living for the master of sin.
I’m bound,
Though I’ve been found
And now the ground
All around
Feels the impact of my fall.

What a complete disappointment I must be.
My heart is heavy,
My eyes cannot see
For the tears in the way.
My mind is blurred.

I need to meditate on the Word.

My confession in a nutshell:
I’m not as good and wonderful as you think.
If your trust is in man, be prepared to sink,
Because just as quickly as you can blink
You will be let down,
Disappointed,
Heart-broken.

Look to God,
And earnestly pray for your brothers and sisters,
Because the ones you hear about later in whispers
Will be just the ones you thought had it all together.
And then it’s only up to you, whether
You fall with them or stay true

To your God.

Drew a Blank

Here's a look inside my head today:




















Yep, nothing there. I am off to go get inspired somehow... Starbucks should do the trick! I'll have something for ya' later.

Hodge-Podge

Have a good weekend folks. I'm headed to Atlanta to work on some music with a friend of mine. Should be pretty fun. So, I won't be around much.....but then again, I never am on the weekends, am I?

Here's a little food for thought while I'm gone from some really wise people I have met:

• Satan will give you what you want, but it will cost you what you have. Evangelist Will Rice
• Failure will either bring a breakdown or a breakthrough in your life. Dr. Jim Schettler
• God's will is daily, not distant. It is not a vocation or a location, but a relationship. Dr. Jim Shettler
• Obedience is the pathway to blessing. Dr. Chris Shepler
• You are never more like the devil than when you do what you want to do because you want to do it. Mr. Chris Raper
• A depressed Christian is an advertisement to the world that Christianity does not work. Dr. Jim Schettler

Also, go visit Nate's blog, Freezing Cold Theology. He used to live here in South Carolina, but then got out of God's will and went to New Hampshire (sorry Green). Anyways, he's relatively new to the blogosphere, but has some great things to say. Go send some eprops his way!

Now THAT'S Passion!!!

Yeah, baby!! How 'bout dem Horns??? I think that was the BEST college football game I have EVER seen!!! Okay, call down Kristi. I think I'm getting too happy with the ending punctuation marks!!!!!???????? I am SO stoked...

Okay, so football wasn't on my passion list...... But, I think I need to add it!! =)

Oh, and Vince Young is my new crush for the moment.... Don't worry, it won't last long.

Go horns!

New Things around The Korner

Some exciting new things are going on around here. First of all, a couple bloggers from the prayer list have decided to begin an online Bible Study for 2006. We receive a weekly email with daily Bible passages outlined for us to read. Then, we go here and post any thoughts or questions we had on the passages for that day. Check it out and feel free to interact and read the passages along with us. I'm excited to see how this is going to help us "grow in grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ."

Also, in accordance with my desire for 2006--to live with deeper passion, I have started a blog where I can post verses that I come across in my reading that speak of passion. Feel free to visit there and comment at will as well.

I have put the all the links in my sidebar for easy access.

Of course, don't forget to keep coming here for your regular ramblings and such! =)

Feels Good to be Appreciated

I have often been discouraged when I felt like my friends didn't appreciate all that I do for them. I have lots of failures and short-comings, but one thing I can say, is that I work very hard at being a good friend--listening, encouraging, sharing, laughing, whatever it takes I try to be there for my friends when they need me.

I guess people don't understand that all that doesn't come naturally. It takes work. It takes God's strength and love.

(And I'm not talking about any of you bloggers--you guys are the most encouraging, appreciative group of people I've ever met!)

Maybe that's why I teared up and could hardly get any words out when my phone rang at 3:00 this morning, and a close friend was on the other line:

"Kristi, I'm really sorry for waking you up, but I just couldn't go another second without telling you how much I appreciate you and all you've done for me over the years. You've stuck with me through my worst and best days, and I never would have made it without you. You are one of the only friends I've got left, and I just want to thank you."

It was something like that anyways.... I never remember 3:00 in the morning phone calls all that well!

Things like that make everything worth it; it gives me motivation to do even better.

I know how we live, what we do and say shouldn't be based on how others respond, but it sure is a huge encouragement when they respond like this.

All the praise goes to Jesus who is the best Friend anyone could ask for and teaches us how to love our friends.