Broken promises; empty words
Fell on my ears and
Crushed my heart.
Flicker of truth; glimmer of hope
Cast a light on my soul but
Replaced soon by shadows.
Unfounded faith; misplaced trust
Broke apart my securities and
Tossed them to the waves.
Disillusioned; questioning each decision
Brought complete confusion
To mind, heart, and soul.
Disappointment; people fail
Both a part of life--
Accept, and move on.
Fell on my ears and
Crushed my heart.
Flicker of truth; glimmer of hope
Cast a light on my soul but
Replaced soon by shadows.
Unfounded faith; misplaced trust
Broke apart my securities and
Tossed them to the waves.
Disillusioned; questioning each decision
Brought complete confusion
To mind, heart, and soul.
Disappointment; people fail
Both a part of life--
Accept, and move on.
*******************************************************
Someone once said "It's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all." My question is this, How many times can one accept and move on, love and lose, before they become completely untrusting, cynical, failure-fearful individuals? Is there ever an end? Is there a time when you should stop, stand, and fight to make a relationship work? Or should you just always accept and move on? Is it worth a fight? Is it worth all the effort? Does the fear of failing ever go away? Does the perfect relationship ever come where both individuals are completely sure that the other will be there until the very end, no matter what? How can anyone be that trusting after going through several break-ups? Do you think that if your security is based upon the other person needing you, that once you don't feel needed, your security will be gone, and then the decay of the relationship begins? I think so. So how do we learn not to place our security in a relationship in the other person? I believe the answer would lie in the concept of knowing the relationship was God's will, and therefore, basing your security in God working everything out. Right? But then, if it doesn't work out, how do you keep yourself from blaming God, and becoming disillusioned with His promises and care over our lives as our Heavenly Father?
Okay, enough questions. I really don't expect anyone to answer them. And please don't read into this.... I'm not breaking up with anyone or blaming God for anything. I'm trying to put myself in someone else's shoes and understand a little of their thought patterns. It's kind of a little hobby of mine--figuring out how other people think. It helps when I try to communicate with them, if I can start where they are. Sometimes I'm way off-base, but hey, it's better to try and lose than never to have...... Just kidding!
7 comments:
Hmmm.... you're always so deep and poetic.
Foremost your trust belongs in God.
Do not put your trust in princes, nor in a son of man, in whom there is no help.
—Psalm 146:3
I remember hearing of preacher Joshua Harris recollect his marriage with his wife, and how he thanked his father-in-law for trusting him with his daugher. His father-in-law retorted, "I don't trust you. I trust God."
Do not trust in a friend; Do not put your confidence in a companion; Guard the doors of your mouth From her who lies in your bosom.
—Micah 7:5
The irony of life in a fallen world is our only truly reliable friend is the Lord. Yet we should look for qualities of trustworthiness in our friends, and especially our prospective spouse. The ideal Christian couple are those that put their Trust in the Lord, and then they may be imbued with the requisite humility for a marriage relationship that works. Trust in the Lord bears fruit: a more selfless love, a forgiving heart, tenderness, longsuffering, and patience. It is those qualities that make a relationship based on mutual trust in the Lord and mutual fealty between two fallible people possible.
You wrote:
My question is this, How many times can one accept and move on, love and lose, before they become completely untrusting, cynical, failure-fearful individuals? Is there ever an end?
If one is hurt in the past, then they move on. Ironic, while hurt might lead to cynicism, hurt just as easily nurture more tender-heartedness and patience, if our heart is in the right place, and we put our trust in the Lord. Perfect love casts out fear.
The Bible gives us an examplar in Christ who was 'made perfect through sufferings.' (Hebrews 2:10) Cannot our hardships nurture a more tender heart as Christians in the future, and an ability to love, that is if we diligently seek God and set our sights on His promises?
I sometimes wonder whether the poetic ideal of the Apostle Paul in 1 Corinthians 13 is achievable in this lifetime, but it is something we should diligently strive for. Also, when 1 Cor. 13:5 says, "[love] does not insist on its own way," and if we're trying to embrace the ideal of 1 Corinthians 13, I think it precludes desiring a relationship with a mate that is perceptively not forthcoming for whatever reason, particularly if we do not perceive it to be within God's perfect will for our lives. If a person doesn't seem trustworthy at some basic level, or on a compatible spiritual plane, I don't see how one could pursue a relationship. One needs to be forgiving all the same, and not let any root of bitterness take hold.
You wrote:
Do you think that if your security is based upon the other person needing you, that once you don't feel needed, your security will be gone, and then the decay of the relationship begins? I think so.
Those persons that are gripped by loneliness should covet a deeper relationship with God, rather than a relationship with a mate. Pastor Charles Stanley has given a number of messages in which he reminds young people gripped by loneliness that are seeking security in the wrong places. We need to look for that in God, and get our heart right, and the blessings will follow in His perfect timing.
God's promises are not a primrose and that we will never get hurt, but that He will work through our hurt if we diligently seek him. Sometimes, it takes heartache to draw us near to Him. In some strange way, the Almighty uses our past hardships (including broken relationships) to mold and make us into the Christian we ought to be, and likewise the husband/wife, father/mother, and the servant. It's perhaps the broken heart that was mended, that has a capcity to be more forgiving, more loving and more trustworthy, is it not? We often have to learn how to respond in a manner commensurate with God's will, when we live with the consequences of previously rejecting His will. Our task is to take heed to Matthew 6:33, and seek the Lord's perfect will for our lives.
In the 2003 movie Loves Comes Softly directed by Michael Landon, Jr., one of the characters Sarah proclaimed, "You know, sometimes love isn't fireworks. Sometimes, love just comes softly." Patience then love. Most people don't know what love is. We cultivate that virtue of love by tending to our relationship with God first and foremost.
Deep questions. I think we ponder at least some of them all of our lives. Or at least some of us do some of the time. I don't know why some find lasting, trusting, sharing relationships and others just don't even though they are doing all the right things.
But closing up, becoming perpetually cynical doesn't work either. If we cease to take risks, then we have become the ultimate failure. If we stop taking risks, we have effectively died.
I think the most effective way to help a hurting person is simply to be that person's friend. I don't think you really need to have any answers; I think you just need an honest listening ear.
And as a friendship develops maybe both people can mutually share one another's burdens.
Kristi,
You had me fearing for your heart there for a moment. I thought your move to Texas was ending in vain. But alas, just good questions to ponder. Glad that you are ok.
BTW, I tagged you over at my site.
Blessings
http://fleshisasgrass.blogspot.com/
Yeah, sometimes admitting you don't have the answer, but that you hurt for your friend, is the best thing.
But Ryan is right that our ultimate hope, trust, and confidence is in Christ. I read a marriage prayer once that said something like "Lord, let them never demand from each other the perfection that belongs to You alone."
Kristi, you're a very compassionate person.
Bless you, dear sis =)
I was checking up to see what others wrote since your blog is the popular one with all the comments. :-)
I like what Bobby says with that quote.
I had a lot to say, but I am not offering ex cathedra pronoucements and claim no expertise at all. Likewise, women still remain a mystery to me. Though, I wouldn't have given the same answer ten years ago; I see wisdom comes from age and practical experience, and I certainly need more of it (Jas. 1:5).
Well said, Ryan.
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