Kids

For being someone who has never wanted kids, I sure do get this unfamiliar strong feeling well up inside of me when it comes to two very special girls. I never imagined that kids could make me feel so much love, satisfaction, happiness, and protective! It's unchartered territory, but I think I like it =)

How to handle the ex-wfe... HELP!

I'm brand new with this experience. The man I've been dating for the past year is divorced and has 2 children with his ex-wife. The only thing I've ever been frustrated with in this relationship has been her. I'm not positive my frustrations are justifiable, or if I'm just being insecure. Over the past month with the little one being in the hospital, I feel like they talk and communicate more than he talks to me. I know the communication between them is necessary, b/c they are the parents, and I am not, but I don't think I should be left out of the loop either. It would be so much easier if she were a nice person, but unfortunately she is not. She throws fits, screams, cries, and threatens to get her way. She is not respectful towards J whatsoever, and does not follow any of the court-ordered mandates dealing with who gets the kids when, while J follows them to a "T". I just wish he wouldn't let her run over him so much, and abuse her priviledges. I feel she uses him, and knows she can get whatever she wants because he gives in just to keep the peace. That's important for the kids, I know, but what kind of behavior patterns does that teach them? And can I deal with this for another 10-15 years? I have voiced my feelings and concerns to J once or twice, but I still get so frustrated, b/c nothing has changed. We can hardly enjoy a day of peace together without calls or texts from her. I just keep quiet for the most part, but I think that's about to end. I know if I start acting like her, it won't solve anything either. So, I'm caught in a tight place, trying to maintain a good balance and navigate through this delicate situation without drowning, or being drowned.

Top Ten Likes

10.Puppy kisses.
9. Getting a pedicure.
8. Coloring with the girls.
7. Watching football on a lazy fall Saturday/Sunday.
6. The smell of coffee.
5. Receiving unexpected money.
4. Laying in a hammock on the beach.
3. Creating and cooking a meal with my honey.
2. The 5:00 "Honey I'm home" hug and kiss.
1. Crawling into a bed just made with crisp freshly laundered sheets.

Top Ten Dislikes

Ten random Dislikes I just felt like sharing:

10.Car Problems
9. Being told "Whatever"
8. Drama queens (could be male or female)
7. Airport Security
6. Other Drivers
5. Beer
4. Flavorless Food
3. Yard Work
2. House Repairs
1. Being called a "Princess"

What a week!

My boyfriend's little 5 year old has been in the hospital for 7 days now. It has been very scary, but we are on the upswing finally. She had influenza B, followed by MRSA pneumonia, which has a mortality rate of over 50%. Thank goodness, she's improving, and making progress daily. I'm ready to get back to routine, and sleeping in my own bed at normal hours! Hopefully the transition back to home will be smooth for Kendall, and she'll bounce back to normal without expecting to still be treated like a sick, helpless baby! I want her to be strong and have a little bigger picture of the world around her through this experience, so that it will make her a little less focused on herself. Maybe that's too much to ask of a 5-year-old, but I know she can do it!

Emotional Week

Turmoil in the household as 5 year old Kendall has been in the hospital for 2 days now, and won't be released for at least a week. She has the flu and secondary pneumonia. Poor thing hasn't eaten or drank anything. She's so weak and can hardly move or talk. She has occasional coughing fits which hurt and scare her so bad that it leads to crying fits. It's so hard to go into the room and act normal and be happy and strong for her. As I kissed her goodnight, she reached out and grabbed my hand and just wouldn't let go. I wanted to cry, but held it back. Then, I had to take care of Jillian all night, and wait for J to get home from the hospital. I needed to be strong for both of them, and understanding about not celebrating Valentine's Day. I feel so selfish wanting some time to just cry by myself for a little bit!

TSA Abuse

So remember when those very revealing "porno" scanners came out in airports a few months ago? Then we had to pick between two evils--whether to have our naked image on display, or to go through an invasive full-body pat-down. Well, while travelling this weekend, on both my departure and return flight, I had to endure not just ONE, but BOTH evils! First the porno scanner, then also invasive full-body patdowns! I was completey horrified. First of all, to anyone who has never experienced physical or sexual abuse, you don't quite understand the emotions that arise when someone that you don't want touching you IS touching you and you are helpless to do anything about it; helpless to resist or run. This experience brought so many deeply buried memories and feelings to mind, that I could not stop crying for hours. It ruined my trip, and I have filed a complaint with the TSA dept, not that it will accomplish anything, but at least I voiced my feelings. From the outside looking in, it may seem silly to let a little "frisking" bother me so much, but it did, and I feel my rights were violated. Please complain to the TSA if you feel the same.

What Has Changed?

1. Well, for starters, let's just get this out of the way... I'm no longer a church-attending hypocrite. What a relief! (More on that later).
2. I have a wonderful man who loves me, wants to marry me, and treats me better than any boyfriend I've ever had. He's the most self-less, understanding, and kind individual while still maintaining a good sense of humor.
3. I've got two girls (8 and 5) that love me (most of the time!) and are so very affectionate. They have a way of lighting up my worst days.
4. I quit my last job, started a new one, quit that one, and started a new job again! Ha ha... Still in ophthalmology--can't seem to get away from that!
5. My cousin and also my brother are both engaged to be married this year. Congratulations!
6. I have an entire room of flip-flop decor in my house, right down to the bed sheets and night-light!
7. Nearly all my friends have had more babies...
8. I have finally travelled out of the country.
9. I am a certified open water Scuba Diver, and I love it!
10.Just learned to ski for the first time 2 weeks ago... I don't love it yet, but didn't hate it either.

Time on my Hands

What is blogging again? I think I forgot! But I find myself at a job once again where I have a lot of free time, so maybe I'll pick it back up; maybe not! We'll see.

A lot has changed in my life.... Can't wait to write about it. Maybe I'll spread out the past year over several posts so I don't run out of info too fast! ha ha.

Going to lunch now. Must go check on our new little puppy.