These be hard times...

Isn't that a quote from a famous speech or something?? I dunno, it was just in my head.

Anyways, I need a pick-me-up! Working extra hours at work, no rest, still trying to get my money back from my ex, and just the plain-ole-blues have overtaken me!

I need some ice cream!

Oh, and I hope Cleveland doesn't get knocked out of the Finals tonight! That would be a bummer.

Happy Memorial Day.

Have fun and be safe out there. Remember the reason for this holiday.

Personally, I'm trying to remember what to do on holidays with no family or significant other around... Maybe I'll go hang out at the pool and read a book. It's so sad how much I look forward to days off, and then when I have one, I almost wish I was at work, just so I would have something to do!! ALMOST!! I don't really want to be at work. Just need to figure out something to keep me occupied for a while... and it's not going to be sitting in front of the computer, so I'm out.

NCIS

Does anyone else watch NCIS? I'm a big fan. I watched the finale Tuesday and I'm wondering if Ziva is going to be back for Season 7 or if that was their way of writing her off the show for good...

Along those lines, I did NOT watch American Idol finale last night along with the rest of America. I really didn't care about it. It's kinda getting old, if you ask me.

I'm exhausted. I'm a little behind at work, so I went in for a 10 1/2 hour day today! Running around on 3 inch heels all day was not very smart, and could explain the aching in my back right now! I'm so glad Monday is a holiday! I need it.

And, Happy birthday, Kelli!

Funny pic...

Here's tiny, little, sweet Cinnamon looking like a ferocious attack dog going at a rib bone!!

Progress

I'm making some progress people. I made it a whole week without texting, calling, or emailing the ex. That's really good for me. His friend is going to take care of getting my stuff back to me, so I won't have to deal with him at all for that. And I'm trying to keep the cyberstalking of his new girl down to a minimun... I know, that sounds horrible, but its an addiction to just check and see what new pictures she posts of them and on and on. I need to stop and just let it go. But, I'm taking baby steps here, and like I said, I'm making progress! The rest will come in time!

How Could He???

I'm on the warpath today people!! My ex has totally pissed me off now! He took his new girlfriend to the same beach he took me just weeks ago! AND, he still owes me some money and has been telling me he doesn't have it yet---- YEAH, RIGHT!! He's just been spending it on HER!! I need to let it go, but I don't want to because then that means he wins. I want my stuff and my money back!

Anyways, I'm getting sidetracked.... The point is, how does someone actually become so heartless? I wouldn't intentionally hurt anyone at all like that, much less someone that I care about and had a relationship with. I keep telling myself that it's his loss and he pushed the best thing ever out of his life. But then when I see him having just as much fun with another girl, I doubt myself. Maybe he doesn't even feel like he lost anything at all. So, yeah, bottom line is, I guess my sister had it right: All men are liars, cheaters, and good for nothing.

Ok, as much as I want to believe that last statement, even in the midst of all this, I still don't believe it. Just call me a hopeless romantic. But I believe there are good men out there. I just haven't met them yet. And when I think I have, I get fooled every time. It's just so darn hard being a woman!

A Touching Moment

Okay, so I'm already really sensitive towards Daddy-little girl relationships for my own personal reasons. Today, I went to visit Sophia in the hospital just before she was released. She was sitting in the chair with her Dad, (who, by the way, is the one who jumped into the pool, pulled her out, and did the CPR--he saved her life)--anyways, Sophi looks up at him and in her 2-year-old-voice says, "Daddy? You know what? You're my best friend." I thought I was gonna lose it, seriously! That touched me so deeply; I just can't explain it. Moments like that are just so precious.

Crazy week so far!

Well, I've got good news on Sophia... She's back to 100% already and will be released tomorrow. What an answer to prayer! The hospital staff was so amazed by her quick recovery, that the had the local news do a story on her.

I got my A/C fixed in my Jeep, and only for $19 after riding around for 3 months sweating like crazy! Those of you not from down south don't understand--A/C is as much a necessity down here as food and clothing! Thank God it wasn't expensive. Now I just have to fix my window that keeps falling down!

Work is absolutely nuts right now. I have to scrub in early, assist in surgery on a 4 month old baby, and then go to the office for a full day of pre-ops.

The ex-boyfriend still won't respond to my demands to return the rest of my stuff... Don't know what I should do next about that. Oh, and I did cut my hair short like I was thinking about. It's nice and summer-ish looking!

My brother is having a really hard time. I can't go into details, but if you think about it, pray for God's grace in his life.

That's all for now.

Please pray...

My friend's two-year old daughter, Sophia, almost drowned today. She is still in very critical condition. If she does live, she will have severe brain damage. So sad... I have babysat her ever since she was born. She has 2 brothers. Please keep the family in prayer. Here she is with my dog Cinnamon last week:

It's cliche, but still...

Okay, so I know it's totally cliche for a girl to drastically change her hair along with a change in relationships, but I really want to go short. Think I just might....

Epiphony

Today, I convinced myself that my ex is gay. That would explain everything!

A Year in Review

So, let's start with the Now and go back to the Then.

Now, I'm dealing with the roller-coaster of emotions that is typical of post-relationship break-ups. Now, I'm getting back into church and actually enjoying it. Now I'm learning what it's like to have a broken family and sorting through confused emotions about that. Now I realize how easily deceived and vulnerable I can be. Now I have come face to face with my hypocrisy and been forced to deal with it. Now sometimes I wonder if there is any part of this world that is truly good, or if everything is covered with a secret "ugly" lining beneath the "look good" surface.

Then, I thought I had everyone fooled. Then, my heart did not yet know true bitterness. Then I thought all I needed was a good man to love me. Then I didn't realize that children of God are guilty of the same, if not worse, sins as children of the devil. Then I never knew how confused, broken, hurt, angry a human heart could be.

This year has most definitely had its ups and downs. More downs than ups, I regret to say, mostly by my own poor choices. But, it looks like we have the possibility of a few ups ahead, if we can stay focused. Many frivolous relationships gave way to one serious one, seemingly perfect, which recently ended in heartbreak. Guess nothing ever is what it seems, huh? I'm glad I still have some family and friends standing beside me, and most of all, my God. I have a lot in my heart I would like to say about Him, but I choose to keep it inside for now for fear of becoming a hypocrite again before my heart is completely cleansed of all my wrong attitudes.

Bottom line: I'm a work in progress. But then, aren't we all?

Feelings

Somedays I hate him. Somedays I hate myself. Today I miss us.