A Year in Review

So, let's start with the Now and go back to the Then.

Now, I'm dealing with the roller-coaster of emotions that is typical of post-relationship break-ups. Now, I'm getting back into church and actually enjoying it. Now I'm learning what it's like to have a broken family and sorting through confused emotions about that. Now I realize how easily deceived and vulnerable I can be. Now I have come face to face with my hypocrisy and been forced to deal with it. Now sometimes I wonder if there is any part of this world that is truly good, or if everything is covered with a secret "ugly" lining beneath the "look good" surface.

Then, I thought I had everyone fooled. Then, my heart did not yet know true bitterness. Then I thought all I needed was a good man to love me. Then I didn't realize that children of God are guilty of the same, if not worse, sins as children of the devil. Then I never knew how confused, broken, hurt, angry a human heart could be.

This year has most definitely had its ups and downs. More downs than ups, I regret to say, mostly by my own poor choices. But, it looks like we have the possibility of a few ups ahead, if we can stay focused. Many frivolous relationships gave way to one serious one, seemingly perfect, which recently ended in heartbreak. Guess nothing ever is what it seems, huh? I'm glad I still have some family and friends standing beside me, and most of all, my God. I have a lot in my heart I would like to say about Him, but I choose to keep it inside for now for fear of becoming a hypocrite again before my heart is completely cleansed of all my wrong attitudes.

Bottom line: I'm a work in progress. But then, aren't we all?