Disaster Waiting to Happen!

This was my day today. From a bad car wreck on the highway making me an hour late to work, to a freezing cold office, to spilled coffee, to patients cancelling, to instruments breaking, to emergencies, to broken cable box at home, to a run in my hose, to remembering I forgot to do something before I left work.... on and on... It's just been one of those days. Good thing I can start all over in the morning. Isn't that great? Aren't you glad we have new days? What if life was just one long day? If it was a bad day, that would be terrible, because you know once something goes wrong, the whole day is screwed. Can you imagine if one thing went wrong and the whole rest of your life was screwed? Ha! I'm thankful for nice 24-hour days that start over and over and over, giving us a chance to have many good days to balance out the disastrous ones!

Football weather in Texas! Driving around today, windows down, sunroof open, hair blowing in the breeze, and radio blasting. All cares just fly right out the window! And the sweetest music in the world coming from the TV--the music of a good ole SEC football game. Life is good!

Whatever "IT" is...

Well, I don't know what it is, but Fall-time coming and Football starting just make me come alive!! I have an extra something in my step, and I'm just an all-around happier person, and a lot more fun to be around this time of year!!

Check out this blog!

My super-cool awesome brother decided to start his own blog....


Check him out here.

Send lots of "Beginner's Support" his way!

Thanks

house

Ughh.... Buying a house is a lot of work, and paperwork, and negotiating, and fine print, and sneaky people, and its like everyone is just out for themselves! But it will be worth it!!

Yay!

**Breaking News!** My ex is moving to Houston! No more worries of ever running into him! Couldn't be happier.

Finally went and met my "niece" this weekend!

You know it's HOT when...

Ice cream feels like just as much a necessity as air and water!

I'm all grown up

Think I'm going to start looking into buying a house. I want that $8000 for first-time home-buyers in 2009!

Miscellaneous stuff...

It's funnny... when I just typed that word "miscellaneous", I literally had to think out loud, "miss cell came down the lane, oh, she's coming to see us." I know, sounds totally crazy unless you were taught to spell it that way like I was. Funny what things stick in your head!!

Anyways, I had a great little three-way call with my bro and sis the other night. It was fun. Hi guys, Have fun in Newfoundland!!

I didn't have any internet for the last 24 hours. I thought I was gonna go crazy! No blogging, facebooking, myspacing, or twittering! What is one to do? Ha ha.

So, I got ready early for work today, and decided to go by Starbucks. Well, I'm in the drive-through line, and this truck is backing out and totally crashes into me. She never even looked behind her!! So, I park the car, and get out (because as you know, if you know me at all, I am very familiar with the car accident scene... I could write a book, but that's something for another day). Anyways, this moron in the red truck looks around and then guns it and takes off. My eagle eyes did catch the lisence plate as she was speeding away (maybe I did learn something from my stupid cop ex-boyfriend). So, I was gonna file a police report, but there wasn't even a dent or scratch on my car, so I didn't bother. I still wish she wouldn't get away with a hit and run though!! How rude!!

Big things happening at work today. I submitted a resignation letter of sorts, and they don't want to lose me, so I get to be some kind of supervisor and get a raise. About time!! Hope no one from work reads this, because that is still supposed to be on the DL. So, keep it quiet, people!!

This weekend is my birthday, next weekend, I go to Fort Worth to see my friend and meet her 5-month old baby, and the weekend after that my mom is coming to visit me for the first time in three years!! So, it's gonna be busy for a while. Holla at your girl!! Peace.

But on the other hand...

I'm a good listener.
I genuinely care about other people's feelings.
I'm careful not to intentionally hurt others.
I see the good in almost everyone.
I try to focus on friends' strengths and minimize weaknesses.
I am loyal and consistent.
and I make good chocolate chip cookies!

So, its not all bad news. =)

Confession

I am a selfish friend.
I am terrible at loving other people.
I let my past control me.
I stay defensive and guarded.
I am not good at relationships.
I let the wrong things affect me emotionally.
I am not open or receptive to people who love me.
I choose to trust people that I know will hurt me.
I seem to have an appetite for mental self-destruction.

Comfortability

Is it really all that? Every life has patterns. We each tend to find a set of patterns that is comfortable for us, and fall into their easy routines. We are never really 100% satisfied with these patterns. Most of us acknowledge that we really could do better, but then, its comfortable, so why rock the boat?

So when a title wave comes along and rocks our boat for us, we have no choice but to step out of our comfortable patterns for a while. We are forced into new, unchartered territories and compelled to make decisions on how to face them. Not many enjoy this, or thrive on the opportunities to feel uncomfortable, yet coming through on the other end, we usually find that the experience was beneficial, positive, or character-building in some way.

Then, once everything has calmed back down, WHY do we settle back into our former, mediocre patterns? Why do we insist on throwing our valuable life-lesson out once the disturbance is gone? Maybe settling down into normalcy is not a good answer. Maybe routine, comfortable patterns do more to hurt than to help. Do we want constant turbulence? Well, no. So why can't we listen and learn when things are calm? Why is it that we need such a big storm in order to reevaluate or lives?

Could there be such a thing as a comfortable, routine pattern that is non-complacent? Comfortablility that is in no way a compromise? How can we find a place in life that fulfils the basic human needs of security and groundedness without becoming lazy and cowardly towards new ideas, movements, situations, people, tragedies, opportunities, etc.

Is there a balance? If so, how do I maintain a life within those bounds? Something to think about...

These be hard times...

Isn't that a quote from a famous speech or something?? I dunno, it was just in my head.

Anyways, I need a pick-me-up! Working extra hours at work, no rest, still trying to get my money back from my ex, and just the plain-ole-blues have overtaken me!

I need some ice cream!

Oh, and I hope Cleveland doesn't get knocked out of the Finals tonight! That would be a bummer.

Happy Memorial Day.

Have fun and be safe out there. Remember the reason for this holiday.

Personally, I'm trying to remember what to do on holidays with no family or significant other around... Maybe I'll go hang out at the pool and read a book. It's so sad how much I look forward to days off, and then when I have one, I almost wish I was at work, just so I would have something to do!! ALMOST!! I don't really want to be at work. Just need to figure out something to keep me occupied for a while... and it's not going to be sitting in front of the computer, so I'm out.

NCIS

Does anyone else watch NCIS? I'm a big fan. I watched the finale Tuesday and I'm wondering if Ziva is going to be back for Season 7 or if that was their way of writing her off the show for good...

Along those lines, I did NOT watch American Idol finale last night along with the rest of America. I really didn't care about it. It's kinda getting old, if you ask me.

I'm exhausted. I'm a little behind at work, so I went in for a 10 1/2 hour day today! Running around on 3 inch heels all day was not very smart, and could explain the aching in my back right now! I'm so glad Monday is a holiday! I need it.

And, Happy birthday, Kelli!

Funny pic...

Here's tiny, little, sweet Cinnamon looking like a ferocious attack dog going at a rib bone!!

Progress

I'm making some progress people. I made it a whole week without texting, calling, or emailing the ex. That's really good for me. His friend is going to take care of getting my stuff back to me, so I won't have to deal with him at all for that. And I'm trying to keep the cyberstalking of his new girl down to a minimun... I know, that sounds horrible, but its an addiction to just check and see what new pictures she posts of them and on and on. I need to stop and just let it go. But, I'm taking baby steps here, and like I said, I'm making progress! The rest will come in time!

How Could He???

I'm on the warpath today people!! My ex has totally pissed me off now! He took his new girlfriend to the same beach he took me just weeks ago! AND, he still owes me some money and has been telling me he doesn't have it yet---- YEAH, RIGHT!! He's just been spending it on HER!! I need to let it go, but I don't want to because then that means he wins. I want my stuff and my money back!

Anyways, I'm getting sidetracked.... The point is, how does someone actually become so heartless? I wouldn't intentionally hurt anyone at all like that, much less someone that I care about and had a relationship with. I keep telling myself that it's his loss and he pushed the best thing ever out of his life. But then when I see him having just as much fun with another girl, I doubt myself. Maybe he doesn't even feel like he lost anything at all. So, yeah, bottom line is, I guess my sister had it right: All men are liars, cheaters, and good for nothing.

Ok, as much as I want to believe that last statement, even in the midst of all this, I still don't believe it. Just call me a hopeless romantic. But I believe there are good men out there. I just haven't met them yet. And when I think I have, I get fooled every time. It's just so darn hard being a woman!

A Touching Moment

Okay, so I'm already really sensitive towards Daddy-little girl relationships for my own personal reasons. Today, I went to visit Sophia in the hospital just before she was released. She was sitting in the chair with her Dad, (who, by the way, is the one who jumped into the pool, pulled her out, and did the CPR--he saved her life)--anyways, Sophi looks up at him and in her 2-year-old-voice says, "Daddy? You know what? You're my best friend." I thought I was gonna lose it, seriously! That touched me so deeply; I just can't explain it. Moments like that are just so precious.

Crazy week so far!

Well, I've got good news on Sophia... She's back to 100% already and will be released tomorrow. What an answer to prayer! The hospital staff was so amazed by her quick recovery, that the had the local news do a story on her.

I got my A/C fixed in my Jeep, and only for $19 after riding around for 3 months sweating like crazy! Those of you not from down south don't understand--A/C is as much a necessity down here as food and clothing! Thank God it wasn't expensive. Now I just have to fix my window that keeps falling down!

Work is absolutely nuts right now. I have to scrub in early, assist in surgery on a 4 month old baby, and then go to the office for a full day of pre-ops.

The ex-boyfriend still won't respond to my demands to return the rest of my stuff... Don't know what I should do next about that. Oh, and I did cut my hair short like I was thinking about. It's nice and summer-ish looking!

My brother is having a really hard time. I can't go into details, but if you think about it, pray for God's grace in his life.

That's all for now.

Please pray...

My friend's two-year old daughter, Sophia, almost drowned today. She is still in very critical condition. If she does live, she will have severe brain damage. So sad... I have babysat her ever since she was born. She has 2 brothers. Please keep the family in prayer. Here she is with my dog Cinnamon last week:

It's cliche, but still...

Okay, so I know it's totally cliche for a girl to drastically change her hair along with a change in relationships, but I really want to go short. Think I just might....

Epiphony

Today, I convinced myself that my ex is gay. That would explain everything!

A Year in Review

So, let's start with the Now and go back to the Then.

Now, I'm dealing with the roller-coaster of emotions that is typical of post-relationship break-ups. Now, I'm getting back into church and actually enjoying it. Now I'm learning what it's like to have a broken family and sorting through confused emotions about that. Now I realize how easily deceived and vulnerable I can be. Now I have come face to face with my hypocrisy and been forced to deal with it. Now sometimes I wonder if there is any part of this world that is truly good, or if everything is covered with a secret "ugly" lining beneath the "look good" surface.

Then, I thought I had everyone fooled. Then, my heart did not yet know true bitterness. Then I thought all I needed was a good man to love me. Then I didn't realize that children of God are guilty of the same, if not worse, sins as children of the devil. Then I never knew how confused, broken, hurt, angry a human heart could be.

This year has most definitely had its ups and downs. More downs than ups, I regret to say, mostly by my own poor choices. But, it looks like we have the possibility of a few ups ahead, if we can stay focused. Many frivolous relationships gave way to one serious one, seemingly perfect, which recently ended in heartbreak. Guess nothing ever is what it seems, huh? I'm glad I still have some family and friends standing beside me, and most of all, my God. I have a lot in my heart I would like to say about Him, but I choose to keep it inside for now for fear of becoming a hypocrite again before my heart is completely cleansed of all my wrong attitudes.

Bottom line: I'm a work in progress. But then, aren't we all?

Feelings

Somedays I hate him. Somedays I hate myself. Today I miss us.