Okay, I'm going to stay away from any deep theological issues today, and ask for your imput on this question--male or female, it doesn't matter.
Premise--Security is one of the biggest needs (if not the biggest need) for a woman in a relationship.
True or False--A woman naturally bases her security upon her emotions.
12 comments:
Kristi, I think emotions play a part in it, but they come and go so that does not offer much stability. I have learned from past experience (you know ALL about it!) that it should be based more on his character, in looking out for my best no matter what. That tells me that he is committed to my well-being, and it makes me more secure in his love. Anyways, I probably could expand more, but come on...it's FRIDAY!!! :) Let me know if you wanna hang tonight!
Uh oh, Kristi, it may not be theological but it sure is a deep issue:-)
First I like to state clearly that my answer is solely based on my own experiences and may not be indicative for all women:-)
Secondly I think the statement that security is the biggest need, is true for everyone, regardless man or woman.
I think it is true that a woman bases her security upon her emotions.
In general (for it applies to all aspects):
I found I based my security on my feelings, which were born out of want. Security is a "good" feeling and often used to justify the want. I say justified, because the feelings were generated by false believes or assumptions on my part to accomodate and/or support the want. I would rather close my eyes to what really was. That would give a "bad" feeling and would cause me to have to let go of the want. I learned (and still am learning) to step back, set the feelings aside and see what really is. Question what I believe and ask instead of assuming. Then I look if what is said and done line up or contradict eachother. Sometimes it turns out letting go of the want is best. Even though it may hurt at the moment, it will turn out better for everyone in the long run.
Especially in a relationship trust is essential. To give yourself a false feeling of trust (or your partner) is giving false security and will eventually blow up in your face. To "want" that relationship does not justify the false feeling. It is better to start out as friends and look critically at the relationship and be honest about whether the security is real or make belief. Based on that, you can make a wise decision if the relationship can be taken further and develope into more.
I think men are better in looking at it from a more realistic standpoint. A woman's feelings often blur her perspective, or rather...she let's/wants them:-)
I could prolly expand on this subject a whole lot more, but so far my two cents:-)
God's Grace.
Dahlia, you bring up a good point that we should base security in a relationship on a person's character. The point of my question, however, was not so much what we should realistically base our security on, but rather, what we as women typically do base our security on. It makes so much sense to think about it in our heads the way you say, but our heart doesn't usually listen to our head.
Corry, wow... if that was just two cents worth, I'd love to see a dollar's worth! =) You also made some great points. I had not previously connected the "want" factor to feelings and security, but it makes so much sense.
I agree with the statement that women naturally base their sense of security on their feelings. We can know in our heads that we are needed, wanted, loved, etc., but if we do not FEEL it, we don't feel secure. I think it is just part of the way that God made women different then men. Like you said, I definitely agree that most men are able to look at situations more realistically without the distraction of their emotions.
I agree, women often place to much value on how it feels. Without questioning if that feeling is valid or not. Understanding often remains to understanding in the mind but when it comes to reaching and changing the belief in the heart, that is a totally different matter. Unfortunately we act on what we belief:-)
Kristi, you can have even more then a dollar worth, but I am afraid it could extend way beyond the comment space, haha.
God's Grace.
Consider the difference in what makes you secure and what makes you feel secure. (I have much to offer on this but it's priceless! hehe) ;-)
Wow, now there's a good probing thought to consider over the weekend. What do I need to do to get a few of your priceless thoughts on the matter?
Consider it done. ;-)
I'll try to pull together a few coherent thoughts. It might be a bit lengthy though, is that okay?
That's fine. This stuff intrigues me!
I suspect security may be the greatest desire for anyone in a personal relationship but I question if it really is the greatest need. I’m concerned that if we settle for only a feeling of security that we attribute to another person we might fail to find true security in the providence of God. I will say that insecurity can cause numerous problems in a relationship but that is more often a consequence of other relationship issues. I think the greatest need for everyone is a foundation of love; first for God first, and then one followed closely by compatible goals and shared values.
About feelings…(gulp) (knees shaking)
All people act on their beliefs regardless of what they feel or think at the moment. Our feelings are a consequence of our own behavior and not the behavior of others and our behavior is a consequence of our beliefs. When we attribute our feelings to the action or being of others we are in essence being irresponsible with our feelings. This usually results in a “blame and shame” game and yes for whatever reason women generally play this game better than men. Men however, who are aware of the game, are notorious for leveraging it to manipulate women. Sadly this is believed by most of society to be acceptable behavior and often the “players” are considered to be a “prize catch”.
A person may believe they are secure as the result of trusting an invalid feeling that was generated through manipulation either by their own desire to believe, by a player or a by combination of the two. This is a false sense of security whereas a valid feeling is the result of a faith in God that is grown from the continual acceptance of His providence through submission to His will in our life.
Amen, Kc:-)
As you said honey, priceless!
God's Grace.
Wow. If we could all actually live with that level of maturity and understanding.... "With God ALL things are possible." I'm definitely going to have to claim that promise for this one! Thanks for sharing Kc!
First of all, i'm not going to even pretend i know anything about woman. Woman, and their emotions are a mystery and probably will stay that way. J/K On da real, i think woman base many things on emotions naturally. Security is very important in a relationship for both men and women. but like elana mentioned, emotions are unstable; they're not constant. Jesus Christ, is constant; He is immutable; He doesn't change. Security should be placed in Christ, not emotions. Security has to be constant, and emotions, unfortunately get in the way. Of course women want to feel loved, and appreciated. Everyone wants that, and needs it more. lack of security in a relationship can spawn problems, especially for a Christian. Uncertainty, is a huge problem that can arise. Does he or she really love me, does he or she appreciate me, does he or she know how much i love them. When uncertainty festers, it can bring about doubt, then you have doubts about the relationship. The what happens? You are no longer placing the relationship in God's control, but in your own judgement. We are human. God knows that, and knows we are sometimes ruled by our emotions. God's will, and our feelings do not always coincide. They probably hardly coincide. but, what are u more secure in? Your unstable emotions, or the constant, unchangeable character of God.
I do believe woman place much weight on emotions when it comes to security; doesn't mean they have to.
Post a Comment